when you do things from your soul

Changes. Good ones.

2011-09-26T22:45:00.000-06:00

Friends.

I have started a new blog. I am going to leave this blog here, but all posting will now continue on the other blog, which you will find at:

thiswildhairedgirl.blogspot.com

it's just time for something new, you know?

I feel like I've entered a new phase in my life, for many reasons. Some of which you will eventually be able to read about if you click on that link (up there!).

Love you all, and hope to see you in my new space soon!

Austin

I'm back!

2011-07-24T17:32:00.001-06:00

Wow! Blogger has a whole new post-writing-thingy! I love it! As soon as I can figure it all out I'll love it even more!

So, I'm totally ready to start this thing back up again. I've been missing it. I've been thinking that for quite awhile actually. I've been very busy lately... I'm blessed with a very close group of friends and roommates and thus things are always happening (heaven forbid i miss out on any. thing.). However another part of it is that I've had a little bit of blog confusion (I made that term up). Feeling like I needed to choose some direction, in which I should take the writings on my blog. I've been reading lots of themed blogs lately (running, nutrition, and various other things), and I suddenly felt like I needed some kind of theme! Some sort of consistency! Or something!

But then, one of my friends recently posted a perfect insight on her blog. She's been going through some difficult times lately, and had been posting about it, but was feeling a little guilt at subjecting the world to her struggles. And then she said something along the lines of, "but then I realized that this blog is for writing about and recording my life, and that is just what I am doing".

And then I felt tons better. Because that is really honestly what I want to do on my blog. I just want to document my life, and the beauty in it. The good and the bad, the trials and triumphs, the things that I love and hate, and everything in between. My progress as a human being who is trying to better herself and learn to appreciate each moment in the life she is living.

So. I shall begin posting again soon. Along with pictures and updates from my trips that I went on. In like February. Ahem.

In the meantime, have some random pictures of some of our adventures from the last... 6 months? Or so? :)

delicious conference breakfast

Early spring kite flying adventures

flared nostrils.

General conference girls night (4 phases. this was serious business.)

rain-dancing.

I might possibly be the worst listener in the world.

2011-04-29T17:53:00.000-06:00

It goes like this:

"...and i just broke-up with my boyfriend and i'm feeling really awful..."

"oh. It is SO nice out today!"

"and finals are super stressful..."

"yeah, I totally get that. Oh my goodness! Check out that gorgeous tulip!"

etc. etc.

Anyone else have this problem??

I swear I am trying.

someday i'll write a full post. about one coherent thought.

2011-04-20T22:42:00.000-06:00

Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip. So delicious.

Rye bread!! I used to hate rye bread! And then it was on sale (and whole grain) and I'm poor so I bought it to see how I feel about it now that I'm all grown-up-like, and turns out I love it!

Health and fitness blogs. Particularly this one. I don't know what it is, and I don't think it's necessarily her writing. I just like reading about her life. And she got her master's degree in public health!

Did I mention I've finally decided that I want to study public health?

Also, I saw one of my favorite scenes from The Sound of Music today (youtube doesn't have any clips of it... but the song where she's on the bus! I Have Confidence!), and it made me realize...

I don't think it's such a bad thing to fail at something. Even if you think you could have done better. I think it just helps us learn about our strengths and weaknesses... you know? Some things/situations will help bring out the best in you, and others won't bring out quite as much... best. And by looking at what brings out your best, you can learn about yourself and your natural talents.

Wasatch Front Relay.

2011-03-15T22:32:00.001-06:00

This is how my Saturday (March 5th) started out.

And we spent the whole day doing this:

A group of us ran 60 miles from the Provo Temple to Temple Square in Salt Lake.

I found out about this little homespun relay via facebook. An old friend invited me (along with probably all of his other facebook friends) to the event, and as soon as I read about it, I knew I had to do it. The difficulty sounded just about right for where I am in my training right now, plus it was free, and the start was right here, local. Perfect way to welcome the warmer weather and accompanying running season. So I wrote on the wall that I wanted to participate, and I was in! I found a couple friends to run with me, and then Ryan and Madison (the race organizers) paired us up with another team of three girls. I was really excited. I bumped the aggressiveness in my training up a little, and figured I'd be set for the race.

note: I included a lot of detail in this post, mostly for myself, to remember. Thus, it's a little bit of a long post. Enjoy! :)

Notes for pre-race week, for next time: eat more (and largely carbs), get more sleep.

Anyway, on to the actual race recap!

The morning started off chilly and overcast. I woke up at 6am, ate a few bites of banana (because I wasn't sure which leg I was going to run and I didn't want to eat too close to running), threw on my running clothes and sweats and then Lindsay picked me up. We arrived at the parking lot of the temple at 6:30 am. Lindsay and I met our fellow teammates (Eldon, Kim, Cassie, and Bree) and together we assigned who would run which legs of the race.

Our assignments:

Runner #1: Bree
Runner #2: Lindsay
Runner #3: Austin
Runner #4: Eldon
Runner #5: Kim
Runner #6: Cassie

We discussed safety and route maps and basic guidelines, stretched a little, and then walked over to send off our first set of runners at 7am.

(our little runner Bree is in front of the guy with the blue top)

Runner 1, Leg 1
Moderate, 4 Miles
Bree's first leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29123118

After we sent Bree off, we took off in two separate cars for the first exchange point (Bajio at the Riverwoods).

It was still cold when we got there, so we stayed in cars for as long as possible. I ate a little more, but not much... it's hard to know how long you're going to have before you run, since everyone runs at a different pace! With the hypoglycemia, it's important that I have enough fuel (as noted here), but I also have a semi-finicky stomach when it comes to eating before I run. Makes things a little complicated. I'm still experimenting to figure out what foods work best for me, how much of them, and how long before I run I need to eat them, etc.

Soon Cassie came running announcing that the first runners had passed through the exchange point. We jumped out of the car, and Lindsay got ready to take off.

While we waited, Madison, one of the organizers of the race, handed out glowstick bracelets, which were to be passed from runner to runner as we made our way to Salt Lake.

------------------------------------

Exchange #1

Runner 2, Leg 1

Moderate, 6 Miles

Lindsay's first leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29125566

-----------------------------------

We were still in two cars at this point, and Eldon and I drove up to the next exchange point (Arctic Circle in Lindon). I continued eating, things that I thought would go quickly into my blood (sugary snacks, gatorade), though had I been more prepared, I wouldn't have done this (I wish I had eaten more during the week/day before, and known around what time I was running so I could have eaten breakfast).

We waited for a bit, watched a few other teams pass through, and then it was my turn!

Exchange #2

Runner 3, Leg 1
"Easy", 5 Miles
Austin's first leg:

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29129926

I put quotes around the "easy", because it was not like the other "easy" legs of the race. The other legs that were marked easy were pretty flat, or downhill. This leg started off fairly flat, and then rose into 1, 2, at least 3 reasonably-sized hills (if you look at the bottom of the map, above, you can see that I ultimately gained 350 feet (that really probably isn't much, but it felt... hard). I looked at this map the day after the race, and was like "no wonder that felt so much harder than I was expecting!). I was banking on this leg of the race being easy as they said, so I was pushing my pace, because I figured I could eat eat eat when I finished, and then be digested, re-energized, and ready for my more difficult and longer second leg. However there were definitely hills. And the thing that made it harder was that there weren't any nice downhills in between. I would be running up a hill, keep pushing, expecting that it would end soon, only to turn a little corner to see more hill, or to have it flatten out and see another big hill another mile or so ahead. It was a little discouraging, but I kept running, and I pushed myself to the very end (which was, of course, at the top of a big hill). Hard, but I felt good about my efforts after I finished.

While I was running, my team decided to go and drop one of our cars at one of the more mid-race exchange points so that we could all ride in the same car together. I think it took them a little longer than they expected, and I got in a little sooner than expected, because when I ran into the exchange point, no one was there except for a couple volunteers! We were all slightly confused at first (I initially ran past them, but when I saw the street sign I knew that that must be the exchange point, turned around, and the volunteers were like, "are you running the relay? where is your team?"), but we quickly put together what happened. I walked out my burning, tired, muscles, caught my breath, chatted with the volunteers, and my team rolled up about ten minutes later.

---------------------------------
"How long have you been here?!" They were all shouting as they drove up. Eldon jumped out of the car, and we did a pseudo-exchange, for the camera :).

Exchange #3

Runner 4, Leg 1
Moderate, 4.5 Miles

Eldon's first leg:

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29129992

I was eating and chugging gatorade for most of Eldon's leg of the race, so I don't have much to document it. Other than when he got in the car he mentioned that that first hill was killer (as you can see on the elevation chart on the bottom of the map). And we stopped multiple times along his course to cheer him on. Once I cooled down I put my sweats back on, and even put on my slipper socks I had brought. That "coming-down-off-a-run" feeling is just lovely.
---------------------------------

Exchange #4

Runner 5, Leg 1
Easy, 4.25 Miles
Kim's first leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29129066

Kim was speedy. It was funny, because we followed and cheered her for a bit, and then drove ahead to drop Cassie off to use the restroom at the next exchange point. We had planned to drive back and cheer for Kim at the top of the hill that was toward the end of the course, but when we turned around and started driving back, we saw her already at the top of the hill, and less than a mile from the exchange point! We whipped the car around, and called Cassie to tell her that she didn't have time to go to the bathroom! We parked, jumped out of the car (to see Cassie on the ground and someone else pulling off her sweats! I wish I'd gotten a picture of that!), and started trying to psych Cassie up. She was about to run up that mountain. You know. No big deal. Best quote (from one of the volunteers at the exchange point): "How did you end up drawing the short stick? You're about to gain 1100 feet."

Thank you, sir.

---------------------------------

Exchange #5 (the text in the bottom-right picture got squished when I made the collage)

Runner 6, Leg 1
Very Hard, 4.1 Miles
Cassie's first leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com//view/routes29129166

Cassie was amazing on this hill. We were all pretty nervous for her, and as a result, were super attentive. We circled back several times, offered water, cheered, etc. She surprised me by being totally peppy, cheering, and running solidly up the entire thing.

Yeah, Cassie! The sad thing was, once she got to the top, she had about a quarter mile of downhill before Bree exchanged with her to run the rest of it (not even any fun downhill to look forward to!).

------------------------------

Exchange #6

Runner 1, Leg 2
Very Easy, 3.5 Miles
Bree's second leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29129360

This one was mostly all downhill. She pushed herself, and ended up passing a runner from another team! We were pretty psyched.

--------------------------------

Exchange #7

Runner 2, Leg 2
Hard, 4.7 Miles
Lindsay's second leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29129702

Lindsay's second leg of the race was supposed to look like this (includes a trail run), but instead ended up looking a little more like the map above. There was a lot of confusion with the trail run, and a bunch of runners ended up taking a wrong turn and coming out in someone's backyard (or so we heard). Anyway, we didn't know this at the time, and cheered with Lindsay until she got to the trail run, and then moved on to the exchange point (since we couldn't follow her along the trail).

right before she headed up the trail (to the left)

While we were waiting there, a few runners were dropped off by a nice lady who found them wandering in her neighborhood... and then we were worried. Bree decided to drive back on the streets, just in case, and sure enough there was Lindsay. She wouldn't get in the car, insisted on finishing up (she was, after all, within a mile of the exchange point), and so Bree turned back, told us what was going on, and I quickly removed my sweats and headed over toward the street.

-------------------------------------

Exchange #8

Runner 3, Leg 2
Moderate, 7 Miles
Austin's second leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29130110

I was pretty nervous for this leg of my race. I even considered trading with another runner, after my rough first leg, and knowing that I had probably not eaten enough, still. I felt confident though, that I could definitely push through and do a reasonable job even if I wasn't at the top of my game (or so I was able to do on my training runs). So I decided to go through with it. Cassie lives in the area and knows the street I was going to be running, and so she prepped me well. I was ready for lots of uphills, but also lots of downhills, and overall I felt like the whole thing went much more smoothly. I pushed myself and my pace on the uphills, and then focused on loosening up, breathing, re-energizing (as much as possible), and speed on the downhills. It worked well. This leg of the race was also really pretty. We were up in the foothills, so there was a great view of the Salt Lake Valley the whole time.

While I was running, my team circled around multiple times to cheer me on, and it was so nice knowing they were totally aware of where I was, and concerned for how I was doing. Having been in the car with them while other runners were out, I knew what they were doing in there ("should we go back and cheer again yet?" "let's park at the top of this hill to help her up it" "ooh, she'll like this downhill" "let's tell her to cross to the other side of the street because it's safer" "do you think she needs water?" etc. etc. etc.), and it was a nice boost every time they drove past. As I was approaching one of my hills, they pulled up, cheering, and told me the upcoming hill was my last one, and then it was all downhill into the exchange point. Hallelujah!
---------------------------------

Exchange #9

Runner 4, Leg 2
Moderate, 5.2 Miles
Eldon's second leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29130248

I was again, recovering during Eldon's leg. BUT. I at least got a couple cool pictures!

Eldon rocked.

----------------------------------

Exchange #10

Runner 5, Leg 2
Easy, 5.5 Miles
Kim's second leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29130450

The route on this one was a little confusing. But we stuck with her (of course), gave her directions, and she sped through it like a champ.

--------------------------------

Exchange #11

Runner 6, Leg 2
Easy, 5 Miles
Cassie's second leg

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/29130604

We stayed with Cassie for about the first half of her leg, and then we drove ahead into downtown so that we could find a parking place, drop the camera off at the finish line, and then run back to Cassie so that we could run the last little bit with her.

driving in to downtown

It took us a minute to find parking, and we were a little worried we'd be too late (we kept glancing up, thinking we'd see her running past while we were waiting at one of a zillion stop lights), but we made it just in time, got the camera to the finish, and then ran back and found Cassie as she ran up to the last block before the finish.
--------------------------------

Finish at Temple Square in Salt Lake (around 4:45pm)

On the way home (well, to Draper, where the second car was waiting), we found ourselves reviewing the day and our favorite parts.
We talked about how starving we were, and all the things we wanted to eat.
We talked about how we had that crusty salty stuff on our cheeks and skin, leftover from all our sweating.
We talked about how we kind of had the chills because our body temperatures had been fluctuating to such highs and lows all day.
We talked about how during the day, we kept having this conversation:
*runner who just finished, gets in the car, all sweaty: "sorry guys, I probably stink"
"you don't stink, I can't smell you"
"honestly, guys, we probably all stink, and we just can't smell it anymore."

It was funny. Believe me.

The support team, following along during Bree's second leg of the race

We also calculated our time based on Kim's timer that she started at the beginning of the race, and determined that we ran an average of about 9 minute miles (I'm not sure how accurate that is, but it's good enough for me)! We were impressed, considering all the hills, the ten minute delay when they dropped the car off and I got into the exchange point early, Lindsay getting lost, etc.

I had a lot of favorite parts, and I loved the energy, cooperation, teamwork, and love I felt from my team the whole time, but I think one of the best things was when we looked up, over to the base of the mountains where we had spent the whole day running. All we could think was "we ran along that WHOLE way!" We just kept saying it over and over. I know compared to some relays it isn't that far, but we were proud of ourselves. It was a long day full of struggle and accomplishment, and you can't help but feel really content after you've done something great like that.

ps. I've got more race plans in the works. More on that later! :)

----------

Repeat.

2011-03-09T23:38:00.000-07:00

(I wrote this like a week and a half ago... Not last Saturday, the one before. Better late than never? :))

There is a flood in my bathroom/entry-way.

There is a party happening in the upstairs living room of my house.

I have SO much chocolate in my bedroom. mmmm. :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

saturdaysundaymondaytuesday.

2011-02-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

Anyone want to guess where/how I spent my weekend? 

(hint: more than one city is represented here. Maybe even more than two.)

  

Oh, I will tell you all about it.  Soon (I hope). 

:)

thursday evening musings.

2011-02-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

I love the bright red/pink color my cheeks turn when I've just come in from a long run out in the cold.

I also love how extra sparkly and green my eyes look. I'm not sure why they do that... maybe it's the juxtaposition of the vibrant color in my cheeks?

I love pushing myself physically. The more I do it, the more I realize how tough me and my body are. And how much we can endure. Feeling tired? Just keep going. Nauseous? Run faster. Whatever yuck I feel almost always fades away within a few minutes, and in it's place? Euphoria. This powerful feeling that I can conquer anything. I am in awe of my body and what it will do for me.

(I haven't really mentioned much about it, but I have definitely been running. A lot. Since last summer. With this girl. Remember this? )

And then to come into the house and look so healthy and pink-cheeked, every time. Mmmm. Perfection.

Today, I gave my entire bottle of water to a man on the bus. He was asking people for water. I happened to have a gatorade bottle filled with water and I was on my way home. I thought "I've had lots of water all day. And I'm on my way home where I can get as much as I want." So when he asked me, I gave it to him, and told him he could keep it.

I love how the sunlight is coming back into the days. This morning when I walked out to catch my ride to work, the sun was shining over the mountains beautifully (with all its bright pretty rays, like it does sometimes in the morning), and there just happened to be the most perfect tiny little snowflakes falling and swirling through the rays of the sun. It was gorgeous.

I've had this incredibly insatiable appetite over the past couple of days. It's like no matter what I eat, I always want something else. And more of it. It's kind of... delicious.

Maybe it's because I've been running more often again. And further than I have been for most of the winter. Six miles today? Yes.

2011-02-07T19:04:00.001-07:00

I am just trying to do this:

“Find life experiences and swallow them whole. Travel, meet people. Go down some dead ends and explore dark alleys. Try everything . Exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life.” – Lawrence K. Fish

and this:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."—Mark Twain

Sometimes I fail. But sometimes, I don't. And even if it's in the smallest way, it is absolutely glorious.

Oh.

And, on another note, I love this:

2011-02-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

(found on google images, i assume)

What day isn't made better when you realize that there are pictures around, of babies wearing cupcake hats?

(courtesy of my lovely roommate, Brooke)

Confession #9

2011-01-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

I talk to myself. Out loud. And often.

Especially when I'm weighing options or trying to figure something out. It just seems like I can tell better if it makes sense if I say it out loud, so it doesn't get all jumbled with other thoughts and feelings.

You know?

the day the sun touched my soul.

2011-01-22T19:06:00.000-07:00

{Note: I wrote this post sometime late this last September.}

A couple weeks ago, I was walking home from the bus stop. It was a really nice day, and so I had decided to avoid another bus transfer, get off at the closest stop to which that bus could take me, and have a nice, longish walk home. I took off my shoes, and my socks, and felt the warm concrete under my bare feet as I strolled.

I have this new job, you see. It is really pretty perfect. Perfect schedule, perfect number of hours, perfect bus stop right in front of it, perfect that they are training me from the ground up on everything.

Anyway. This day was maybe my third day of work. I must've started thinking about how I love having my evenings back SO. MUCH. Or how over the couple of days before that I realized that I was getting back to the point where I could hang out by myself without getting nervous (even enjoy it again! sweet peace of mind!).

At some point during all of that thinking I looked up, through all of the pretty tree branches of those huge trees on Center Street, and I saw the sun. And after a moment, it felt like something melted a little, deep inside my chest. Like my soul, which has felt a little frosty for the past while, finally sighed and let go of all the negative feelings for a minute. And in their place, I just felt relieved, content, grateful.

Oh, it was heavenly. I think I am a little closer to being whole once again.

This song

2011-01-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

Gonna live the simple life baby
Gonna live the simple life mama
We can see the fishboat lights
Sleep out underneath the night
Gonna live the simple life baby

Gonna love you all my life baby
Gonna love you all my life mama
River storms and river tides
Still held between two riversides
Gonna love you all my life baby

Sail me up the Hudson River
Sail me up the Hudson mama
From the Half Moon deck I see
Houses in the golden green
Sail me up the Hudson River!

Singing on the Hudson River
Singing on the Hudson mama
Sing of avocado trees and ships
And unborn children in your hips
Singing on the Hudson River!

There’s a five-piece gospel band
Inside the heart of every man!
Gonna live the simple life baby!
-----------------------------------------

Those guys. Cool.

2010-12-25T23:01:00.001-07:00

Over the past month or so, I've discovered a new love.

Traditional, gospel, blues and country songs.

For example, I just heard this one this morning, and loved it.

Actually, this really all got started with the songs I heard in Oh Brother, Where Art Thou.

Like this one:

this one:

and this one:

I love it when I discover new things that I really enjoy. It's like I am a mystery, and I unfold new little pieces of myself all the time.

home.

2010-12-24T13:33:00.000-07:00

I am home for Christmas.

It was stressful getting here, but now that I'm here, it's actually quite lovely. This morning I slept in until a little after 9am, then I went on a run in the fantastic fifty degree weather (compared to Utah snow and freezing temps, I am happy as a clam :)). It was a little drizzly and overcast, but the air smells fresh and chilly and perfect.

When I got back, the house was still quiet (everyone was either gone or still sleeping), and so I took a long shower, and then put on some music and raided the kitchen for breakfast. My mom has developed a habit of buying healthier, organic food of late, and I can't help but LOVE it. I scrambled two large brown eggs, with organic milk, salt and pepper, and then threw in some cheese, and fresh salsa from the local Tacoma Boys (an indoor farmer's market, selling local, fresh food). I ate that with two slices of whole wheat toast with butter, and an orange, while catching up on some blog reading and looking out the window onto this scene.

Now I'm wrapping up the gifts I purchased, to put under the tree.

Mmmm. It really is nice to have a break, and to be home in beautiful Washington.

Of Things That Matter Most.

2010-12-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite talk from our most recent General Conference. Well, one of my favorites at least. Watch it below, or read it here.

Either way, you've really got to listen to at least a little chunk of this video. He has the most endearing little German accent.

something delicious.

2010-12-04T17:01:00.001-07:00

Guys. This is the best granola recipe in the history of eternity. Thank heavens for my lovely roommate Brooke who found the recipe and has made this delectable goodness for us on multiple occasions. She was kind enough to direct me to the recipe. And warn me that you can't just set the timer and leave. You have to keep an eye on it, and it will likely be done much sooner than expected.

I made myself a double batch of it today, and now my kitchen smells amazing. And I can't even begin to tell you how extremely content my belly is.

photo from recipe page itself: http://thekitchensinkrecipes.com/2008/01/04/homemade-granola-im-warning-you/

12.1.2010

2010-12-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

Confession #8

2010-10-07T23:12:00.000-06:00

I wore plain old white socks with my black work shoes and slacks every. day. this week.

I know, that is COMPLETELY and UTTERLY against ALL rules ever written... but I don't have any black socks. And my feet get cold without socks, dang it.

Heaven help me.

tonight...

2010-10-05T00:12:00.000-06:00

...i'm listening to this:

(nobody read too much into the lyrics of that... I just like the song. Thanks Coy, for recommending it.)

...and reading back on my blog posts. I particularly like this one though. It's so interesting to read back and see the goals that I set, and the progress (in a way, it was sort of accidental progress) that I've made.

I'm doing pretty well, I think.

2010-09-22T23:15:00.000-06:00

"Every morning she rose with the sun--a ritual punctually followed by peach-blossom tea and grapefruit. For refreshment she walked through the woods. There was life to be lived."

ps. it is seriously gorgeous out tonight.

welcome, autumn.

down and dirty.

2010-09-20T18:28:00.000-06:00

A couple friends and I ran the dirty dash this weekend.

Sarah and I ended up running it barefoot. We thought there would be so much mud we'd lose our shoes anyway (false). Everyone thought we were crazy. Apparently, "everyone [was] talking about" us (or so said a lady we ran into waiting to go down the slip and slide towards the end of the race). It was pretty cool.

I put lots of pictures on facebook. I'll pick my favorites and put them here. Later.

For now, enjoy these videos of our awesome adventure (Jana was our trusty captain and planned delicious food and other surprises for us, and took almost all of our pictures. She did not run.)

getting ready to run.

grrr.

captain's log.

just after we finished.

our last video, taken on the trip home.

2010-09-14T11:57:00.001-06:00

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

underwear.

2010-08-31T12:26:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, I spent most of my morning, and a little of my afternoon, in my underwear.

It was really, really great.

I woke up early-ish, went for a long run with my neighbor (not in my underwear... although i can imagine running in one's underwear is probably very pleasant), then made myself an amazing smoothie with watermelon and berries which totally hit the spot. My roommate introduced me to the song "Clementine" by Sarah Jaffe and I hooked my computer up to the speakers and turned up the volume while I finished off my smoothie and did a little organizing and cleaning in preparation for my move (I'm still in the same house, different room. I'll post about it later).

Whether or not spending the morning in my underwear and having a fabulous morning are related, remains to be seen.

although, I'm PRETTY sure they are.

ps. you should definitely try it sometime.

The Man in the Arena.

2010-08-24T22:32:00.000-06:00

Warning: this post is a little emotionally heavy.

Note: I started writing this post like, at least two weeks ago. Probably three weeks ago, actually. So the mentions of “today”, and "yesterday" refer to that day and the day before it, three weeks ago. Um, yes. That’s how long it took me to get my thoughts together on this. :)

I had three realizations today. (what those three realizations actually were, are not the important part. but i will tell you. maybe. at the end of the post)

It was during a text conversation with a good friend this afternoon, that I actually put words to these three thoughts. She asked me how I was doing, and before I knew it all sorts of insight and inspiration began spilling from my mind to the screen of my cell phone... and that’s when I knew it was time to blog.

Here's the story.

Let me first explain, that a rather serious dating relationship I’ve had for the past eight months of my life, ended. A month ago now, actually. It felt pretty sudden and shocking at the time. To say that it has been difficult, is possibly the understatement of the year. I still don’t really do much analysis of it because it’s all too complicated and heavy and who really knows what happened anyway?   But, for the purposes of this blog post, you DO need to know a little bit of how it felt.

In short, it felt (okay, sometimes still feels) as though I had fallen into the deepest, darkest, blackest crevice in the sidewalk, and wasn’t sure if, how, or when I’d be able to find some way to pull myself up and out.

Here's something else you'll need to know. I deal with higher levels of anxiety than most people. I have seen a psychologist or been on medication on and off for the past several years. Unfortunately, I think it might be one of those things that has to get worse before it can get better (which means that getting through all of this without being on medication means I'm learning how to deal... right?). But anyway, the point is that when something like this happens, something that throws off all my stability, it often triggers the anxiety, and I start to feel afraid of or worried about things that don't normally bother me at all. Which is really not fun. To say the least.

Here is a longer description:

Everyday felt like a rollercoaster (I don't care how cliche that phrase is). Everyday I woke up with terror in my heart at the thought of what might happen that day. What needs I might have that would not be met. What people I would feel like I needed in my life that wouldn’t (couldn't) be there. I felt afraid to stay in bed, afraid to get up, afraid to go to work, afraid to stay home. Even afraid to make lunch. But afraid not to (um, hello hypoglycemia.). Most of all, afraid to expose myself to anything else that might cause even the slightest bit more pain or discomfort than I was already feeling. Because honestly... I was afraid I couldn't handle it.

And that is how I carried (or rather trudged, in a very heavy, about to drop to the floor and give up sort of way) on.

Until yesterday, that is.

Yesterday, something inside me snapped. Or gave up. Or maybe just altogether decided it wasn’t going to do this anymore. I guess I decided that I wasn’t going to do this anymore. I couldn’t.

And so, I decided that I was brave. That I could handle more than I thought I could. That I dealt with a lot of things that were way above my maturity level when I was younger, and if I could handle really really hard things then, why not now? I was never really one to back down from a challenge.

And finally, I decided that even if I wasn’t feeling brave, or calm, or confident, that I was going to pretend like I WAS feeling that way, dang it.

So, with those thoughts in mind, I marched myself directly into a situation that could’ve been potentially very painful for me. And in many ways, it still was. Acting that way doesn’t necessarily lessen the pain of it, but the point is, I survived. I put on a happy face, acted way overly confident, and continued to laugh and joke and hang out like the world was my oyster.

(nevermind that the whole time I was really really concerned that there would be a huge emotional crash later. nobody knew what i was thinking! nobody knew i was worried!)

Anyway, here's the important part. There is something about acting braver than you feel. Something reckless. Something wild. And I won’t lie, it is frightening. But you know what? It is also empowering.

And somehow, that made me realize how key mistakes are in this life of ours.

Let's back up a little. This is what I said. To my friend (remember how I mentioned her at the beginning of this post?).

"... I guess I learned last night, though, that sometimes it doesn’t hurt to act braver than you feel. It’s kinda liberating. It feels very appropriate for this age and stage in my life... you know? Like it’s proof that I’m really living and loving and getting hurt and having experiences and falling and getting up over and over again."

And that's it. Just like that.

To be honest, it kind of surprised me. Wait, what? Did I just write that?

It just made so much sense! And sounded so right! SO RIGHT!

And that's when I realized (decided?) that it’s okay to make all kinds of crazy mistakes. To feel a little (or a lot) out of control and not really know what’s going on. To accidentally reach a point where you don’t know if you can handle your situation emotionally. To suddenly realize how broken and bruised and unsure of everything in your life you are.

And YET. To STILL let yourself believe that you are brave. That you can handle really hard things... even if maybe you don’t feel like, or truly, honestly, deep-down, believe that you can.

I am only twenty-three. This is a time of exploration and experience. It is a time that is meant for mistakes and learning and growing and more mistakes. A time for questioning yourself and your values, and everything that you have believed so stalwartly your entire life. A time for figuring out who you are and who you want to be and how in the hell you're going to get there. And most of all, a time for taking chances. A time for testing the limits. And thus, a time for picking your bruised and bleeding, yet resilient body, up off the dusty, dirty earth time and time again.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

Maybe that is why i sometimes love that windblown look. The messy hair dirty face look. The look that says “I’ve been out tripping and falling and getting muddy and scraped and all kinds of beat-up, but I'm learning a ton." There is wisdom in those eyes.

Three realizations? Right here:

1. I can do things that are really really ridiculously hard for me. I am totally capable.
2. Sometimes it's really liberating to act braver than you feel.
3. I shouldn't be afraid of making mistakes. Mistakes are proof that I am living and loving and growing. And eventually becoming exactly who I want to be.

08.08.2010, 11:35pm.

2010-08-09T23:36:00.001-06:00

Remember when I was happy?

And how sometimes my writing can be pretty funny?

And when I used to get pretty fiery about some things?

How sometimes I have super deep thoughts, that even I don't really get very well when I read back on them?

And how I can sing (well, except for the part where I mess up at the end. ha.)?

Yeah. I'm trying to remember too.

(don't worry. a post is forthcoming about what's been up.)

Yellow

2010-08-04T23:43:00.000-06:00

This song has been on repeat all day.

{yellow, by coldplay}

I would embed it here, but the good video can't be embedded. So just click the link, and go watch it.

All About Your Heart

2010-08-01T11:10:00.000-06:00

This is so peaceful.

And I love this little girl's dance.

05.24.2010

2010-05-24T13:26:00.002-06:00

This morning, I woke up a little before ten. I got out of bed, and headed towards my bedroom door, only to step in a puddle of water right in front of the door. Surprised, I turned on the light (it's a little dark today, because it SNOWED last night, and is still raining today (what the freak. it's almost JUNE.)) and looked around. I found that half of my floor was covered in about a quarter inch of water. Yuck.

Something similar (albeit way smaller) happened maybe a month ago. I called the landlord, and they sent someone out to check it out. They told me that there is a leak in the wall because of something to do with a leaking gutter on the outside? My room is halfway underground (I live in the basement) so apparently the ground has come away from the foundation a little bit, and there is a crack, so it's leaking right through my wall and all over my floor.

Some people from the real estate company who takes care of our house came by, took pictures, told me what was up, and then told me to mop the water up and put a towel in front of where the water is coming out. Awesome. Don't worry, I didn't have anything else I was going to do this morning. I was just hoping that you'd come by and tell me to clean all of this up. Even though you knew it was happening a month ago, and could've done something before now. I'll just pick up that there slack for you. No problem. I love mopping.

Fun stuff. If my camera was working, I'd take some pictures of it for you.

In other news, even Wills thought the pocket pigs were a little cute. Though he was a little conflicted because he had mixed feelings about domesticating animals.

I think I'm going to try to go to DI today (I really, really need some new clothes). And I have plenty of other things on my to-do list that I'll work on, including going to get measured for my bridesmaid dress for Marta's wedding!

oh so cute. oh man.

2010-05-23T20:09:00.001-06:00

I inherited my love for animals from my grandma. And my mom.

Thus, I really want one of these:

That love for animals is also the reason I love this (cuteboyswithcats) website.

And this, perchance, is my favorite one of all (letsbefriends). I'll leave you with this picture. You know, to tempt you:

Go my friends. Rejoice in the animal love.

Optimism

2010-05-20T20:40:00.002-06:00

05.14.2010

2010-05-14T11:43:00.001-06:00

I'm feeling pretty good this week. I actually started up a fairly normal schedule at work! I will be working (with a few exceptions, I'm sure) on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, from 6am to noon at the bakery, and then from 6-8pm teaching English on those same days. It should be really nice in some ways, because I'll have a four-day-weekend most weekends (!). The main downside will be having to go to bed pretty early (like 10pm or earlier if I can) on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, but also that my off-time from work is in the middle of the day. So instead of getting all my working hours out of the way all together in the morning or in the evening, I have to get up at like 5:30am, work for six hours, and then when I get off I have some time, but my English class in the evenings is weighing on me because I have to plan my lesson. So... there are pros and cons to any way I do it. I'm thinking I might try to get all my lessons planned over the weekend and do any other prep that I need to do so I don't have to worry about pulling something together a few hours before class.

In other news, Wills got back from Israel on Tuesday (his flight got cancelled, and he ended up spending the night in the airport in Tel Aviv), and he brought all of us awesome souvenirs! He got each of his roommates at the Dollhouse a Keffiyeh (they're going to have a dollhouse picture with all of them wearing them - Sweet!), and he got me a gorgeous red bag which was made by some Druze people. It is red, and looks kind of like these, in messenger bag form. So cool! I wore it out for the first time this morning. It is very well made, and the weaving is gorgeous.

Also, my roommate Brooke introduced me to this book the other day and I can't wait to read it! It's called Radical Homemakers. Here is a review of the book I found on the above linked website:

“Imagine women with masters degrees and PhDs who choose home over career advancement. Imagine wives (and husbands) who reject the false promise of endless paid labor to tend gardens and children and friendships. In a time when Wall Street MBAs-producing nothing of value but rewarded with million-dollar bonuses and blinded by greed-have driven our country to bankruptcy and despair, Shannon Hayes’ stories of women and men who choose simplicity, authenticity and community inspire hope. Outside the boxes of both conservatives and liberals, this book is radical thinking at its best. Read it and think.”-John de Graaf, coauthor of Affluenza and director of Take Back Your Time

I'm in the middle of several books right now, but once I finish a few, I want to start on this one. I love the idea of being really educated, but also focusing so much on family and community because building solid families and communities is what is going to make cities and states and countries stronger.

Hopefully the weekend will be great. I will love not having to worry about work. Later today Wills and I are going to hike the Y, then go see Avatar in the dollar theater. There are good times to be had.

05.08.2010

2010-05-08T12:54:00.001-06:00

I am exhausted.

I've worked 6 or 7 hour shifts at the bakery four days in a row (which means waking up at 5:30am all of those days, to get there by six). I also taught ESL in the evenings a couple of those days, which includes planning lessons. AND, Cary and I are trying to get everything for the ward family home evening on Monday night planned and ready. We went up to Costco yesterday to get food for it, and we still need some more, so I'm going to have to make another grocery store trip sometime today.

And I'm annoyed at how many people eat SO MANY FREAKING DONUTS Saturday mornings. And people totally overdose on sweets on holiday weekend (Mother's Day!).

Anyway, I got home, took a quick rinse-off in the shower, and put on some sweats. I think I'll spend a few hours reading, or taking a nap. Or doing both.

Tonight is Jana's birthday movie marathon! Yay for pizza and crowding tons of people in the living room to watch movies on the big projector screen. And for lounging in the LoveSac.

Tomorrow is church, and prepping food for FHE.

Maybe my roommates and I will make some delicious food together. It's so nice when all three of us are home.

ps. hopefully I'll get some new batteries (or a new charger) for my camera soon!

05.06.2010

2010-05-06T15:25:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was super busy!

I had to wake up early to get to work at the bakery at 6am. I got off at one, came home, showered (after a shift at the bakery, I smell just like I used to after a shift at Pick Quick. Ew.), and ate some lunch, which was leftover soup that I made a couple of nights ago (which is really good, by the way. I posted the link to the recipe and the changes I made to it at the bottom of this post).

After that I met with the other co-chair for FHE (did I mention that I was called as one of the FHE co-chairs? :)). We are both brand new to the calling, but after talking with him, I'm way excited for the way things are going to do. We're hoping to try some new things and hopefully get some more people coming out every week (as it is, less than half of each group generally comes to activities). The most urgent thing we're dealing with right now is planning the ward FHE for this coming Monday evening. We're thinking barbecue. A delicious barbecue of course... none of this buy-some-cheap-nasty-hot-dogs-and-squished-white-hamburger-buns grossness. Hopefully we'll play some kickball or whiffle ball too. My roommate Jana upstairs is going to take care of the music. It's still in the works of course, but it should be really fun!

Right after that, I had to leave again. I had agreed to be in a film that my roommate's brother Scott is working on for one of his film classes. He asked me on Monday if I'd mind being in a short (like two minutes, short) film he was working on. They needed someone to play the "sweet, young mother", and Scott said he immediately thought of me. I managed to find a baby that I could borrow to add to the effect (baby on the hip, over-sized white shirt, old cut-off shorts, ghetto house... you get the picture). We picked up baby Hyrum who is one year old, and headed up to Scott's house where we were going to be shooting. Hyrum was completely content to be chilling on my hip, barefoot, for almost an entire hour. He played with my hair, ate some cheerios, looked at the things on the wall inside Scott's house while we were waiting for the salesman to knock on the door, etc. He did awesome. We ended up shooting it a good five-plus times. When the filmmakers were content with the footage they'd gotten, we loaded Hyrum back into the car and headed home.

After we dropped Hyrum at his house, Scott dropped me off just in time to change clothes, copy down my lesson plan, grab some water and snacks and run out the door to go teach ESL.

The class was pretty uneventful. That is, except for the part where I found a note on the side of one of my students desks. He had written it (in English! Yay!) to explain that he'd bought me some bananas, but forgotten them in his car, so he would bring them in at break time. And that he did. They were all wrapped up in a plastic bag, so that no one could tell what they were, I imagine (he was trying to be pretty stealth about it). Also, there was the part where the oldest man in my class was flirting with me (to make matters worse, he doesn't have a wife, currently. He's definitely like sixty. I'm sorry, but ewww. no.)

I finally got home around 8:30pm. I chatted with Brooke and Ashley for a minute, had a little snack, and then started getting ready for bed (I had to be at work at 6am at the bakery again today, so I wanted to get to bed early-ish. Which really ended up being about 10:20. Oh well.).

Luckily, today has been a lot more chill and I've gotten a few things done around the house.

Life is pretty good.

************

P.S. I found this picture in a magazine a couple years ago, and saved it. I just came across it again a couple of days ago. Can this be my family someday? Barefoot, babies, straw hat, husband with carrots. I'm taking note.

Click on the links to check out the rest of the slideshow (the one that included the above picture) about an organic farm, and the story that goes with it. The photography is beautiful, and everyone should know about eating locally and sustainably.

***********

The recipe for the soup I mentioned at the top of the post can be found here. Chili's Southwestern Vegetable Soup. So good!

I didn't have any corn tortillas, so I didn't add those, and added a little corn starch to it to thicken it up instead. I also am not a huge fan of spicy foods, so I didn't add the chilies. I couldn't find our chili powder either, so I just added crushed red pepper flakes instead. BUT. It turned out pretty spicy. Spicier than I would have liked. So my tip to you is, if you don't add chilies and can't find your chili powder and end up having to use red pepper flakes instead, don't add as much as you would if you had chili powder. Just a heads up.

05.04.2010

2010-05-04T11:06:00.001-06:00

I found this video on one of CJane's blogs.

I love it. How she views motherhood, the scenes of her beautiful children playing, and being happy. It's just beautiful.

keeping up

2010-04-29T12:12:00.000-06:00

Sorry I've been a little down and out lately. I promise to get going with my posting again soon.

One of my excuses (lame, I know) is that I don't have any batteries for my camera currently. I have a bunch of rechargeable ones, and a charger, but either the charger isn't working, or the batteries are done for. I guess I need to test them out a little bit to figure out which is which. In the meantime, I guess I feel like posts are a little boring with no pictures to illustrate what I'm talking about. Though I might just bore you anyway... :).

In the meantime, check out this post, written by my roommate Brooke, on her blog. I'm a fan.

It includes snippets of what I've been involved in/doing lately (including the chickens, and the spring garden, and the ostrich egg quiche, strawberry napoleons, and chocolate noodles part. yum.)

A little update:

Remember all that stuff I posted about that I was going to sell? Luckily, all of that sold, including my computer! Thanks to that, and help from awesome family and friends, I'm doing a little better in the financial arena lately. Still nowhere near where I'd like to be, but I'm getting there.

I also got a couple of new jobs. In addition to substitute teaching for Provo, I got a job teaching adult ESL classes in the evenings three days a week, and I got a job at the Provo Bakery (where another one of my roommates works). Once the paychecks for those start rolling in, I should be feeling pretty comfortable! Right now I'm just trying to adjust to everything being different and a little crazy sometimes.

In other news, Wills left for Jerusalem today! He'll be gone until May 10th.

found it!

2010-03-08T18:52:00.001-07:00

Remember the post I wrote awhile back about living life more slowly and enjoying the moments?

In that post I also mentioned how I really really wanted to share a clip that I'd found from the movie Tuck Everlasting, which shared the idea so much more vividly than the quote, but I just could not find it???

Well I found it. The first part is the main part to which I refer, although the rest isn't bad either.

also... i'm getting really irritated.

2010-03-08T18:38:00.001-07:00

I found the below conversation as a status update of one of my friends on facebook.

A. "Any tips on retraining a baby to sleep? Since he got sick he absolutely refuses to sleep anywhere but our bed (yes, I know that's a big no no). Refuses! And I do let him cry- he goes on for an hour and 1/2 and then I just can't take it anymore:("

M. "Oh I am sorry friend! It is the worst when they go through being sick. It always throws off Josie too. Have you tried sitting in the room with him while he falls asleep? Or singing to him just outside of his room?"

A. "Lol, I was going to call you about this actually:) I've been trying to do the thing you told me about where you sit with them at first, then slowly move out over a few days, but I made it through one day and gave up. I'm going to buy the book though, I think. I am going to start trying again tomorrow, so I'll give you a call. I think that would really help him. I saw an article in a magazine about it, and it reminded me that you did something similar."

B. "During the daytime, don't pick him up. Let him self soothe during the day when he can see you and is alert and can be distracted with toys. We've noticed Sam does better when she receives little attention during the day (other than feedings) and isn't held so much. Also, sensory overload will help. Always try to give him something new to analyze and figure out. New toys, new foods, get him a walker to cruise around the kitchen with, etc. Once you can get to the point where you can be in a different room for an hour or so while plays, several times a day, you should be good for night time."

L. "does he take a pacifier? That was our best friend"

DOES THAT SOUND UNHEALTHY TO ANYONE ELSE???

I mean, I know I'm no parenting expert, but it sounds like it's just going to teach the little guy to feel helpless, and that no matter what he does, his parents aren't going to respond.

Not only that, but it teaches the parents to be really detached! Tell the parents to ignore their babies cries, don't give them any attention... that does not sound natural, or healthy. Grrr. Seriously people?

Also, I know that self-soothing is a good skill for kids to learn. But seriously, this whole feed was just driving me crazy.

I must be a hippie.

2010-03-03T21:54:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentleman,

I have been pondering on my financial situation, and have decided that it would be wise to rid myself of a few material things, in an attempt to achieve more financial peace of mind (if not more peace of mind in general, as well). I have posted a few items on craigslist, and plan to do so on KSL as well. I thought about using amazon, but they take some commission off your sale, and that's just annoying. And. Ebay does the whole stupid auction thing. Although I read about atOncer.com in this article, and it appears as though it is completely free as well. I was also thinking about half.com. Anyone have experience with any of these other sites? Good? Bad?

Here are some links to my craigslist ads for now. Just in case you're interested in purchasing anything that I've posted.

All 7 Seasons of Gilmore Girls (gaH!! I know! I can't believe I'm selling them either! bAH. sadness)

Panasonic 5 CD Changer Stereo, Silver

What's left of my Gold's Gym Membership (6 months!)

And here's the kicker: I've also decided I'm going to sell my laptop, and get something cheaper temporarily. At least until I can actually afford something nicer. More info on that to come.

*also, i just realized i capitalized ladies, but not gentleman at the top of this post. does that make me more feminist? :)

Yet another confession. Actually, two.

2010-03-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

Um. I have another confession.

Actually a couple.

I am slightly ashamed, but I am overcoming those feelings by writing this post.

Number One. I like milk chocolate just as well, or more, than I like dark chocolate.

There. I said it.

I eat dark chocolate because it's slightly better for me, sometimes it's pretty good, and I often feel as though I may be shunned from my group of friends if I don't (not really. but sort of.).

However, I am a total sucker for the sweet milky taste of milk chocolate.

Number Two. I don't like raw tomatoes.

I can eat them when they're on a sandwich or are mashed up into sauce or on pizza, but plain tomatoes, even tomato chunks in a salad? No way. Yuck.

Sorry all my favorite garden friends. I just don't have the inherent tomato appreciation that seems to come so naturally to all of you. And as for choosing the perfect tomato to plant in our garden... I'm really sorry, but I have absolutely no opinion. They all taste the same to me when cooked.

Shared Female Contract, $190 a month

2010-03-01T19:27:00.004-07:00

So... as I mentioned previously, I'm selling my contract at the house I was in, for reasons you can read about in that other post.

But, since today is March, and I really really really don't want to have to pay March's rent too (not to mention I don't have the money to do it!) I figured I'd repost my craigslist ad, and add a few pictures. Only four can be added on craigslist, but on my fabulous blog, I can add as many as I want! So I'm linking here.

I apologize for the lighting not being great!

Part of the bathroom (shower, sink and vanity)

Other half of the bathroom

Hallway to the bedroom door from the bathroom. There's also a large storage closet thing to the left of the bedroom door which isn't pictured. My roommates put some stuff in it, but there's still quite a bit of room.

The stairway up to the bedroom (you can see the part of the bathroom with the shower and vanity at the top of the stairs)

Living room and fireplace

Another view of the living room, including the other windows

the kitchen

This pantry has been one of my favorite parts of the house! There is still more room for food, and we haven't even started using those cabinets on the left!

The laundry room, with clotheslines hanging

the dining room area with piano and front door (on the left)

View of the house from the street side. The big window on the top floor is from our bedroom.

The back of the house. There are two other smaller apartments connected to the house (one downstairs in the basement and the other is part of the top floor)

Some of the parking. I have never had a problem finding a place to park.

Stuff and Nonsense

2010-02-24T01:13:00.000-07:00

I'm loving this song lately.

Stuff and Nonsense by Missy Higgins

missy higgins - stuff and nonsense.mp3

Found at: http://www.filestube.com

It's really simple, but even more beautiful because of that.

However, I do have mixed feelings about the lyrics:

Disobey my own decisions
I deserve all your suspicions
First it's yes and then it's no
I dilly dally down to duo
But I've got no secrets that I babble in my sleep
I won't make promises to you that I can't keep

And you know that I love you
Here and now not forever
I can give you the present
I don't know about the future
That's all stuff and nonsense

I once lived for the future
Every day was one day closer
Greener on the other side
Yes I believed before I met you
But I soon learned your love burned brighter than the stars in my eyes
Now I know how and when, I know where and why

And you know that I love you
Here and now not forever
I can give you the present
I don't know about the future
That's all stuff and nonsense

Being LDS, I know lots of people who might argue FOR looking to the future, and falling in love for eternity, etc. So some people might not find that very romantic.

Regardless, I think it's still pretty sweet. I feel like it really reinforces living in the moment, which is very easily forgotten nowadays.

It's like she's saying, I don't know about anything that's going to happen from here on out, but I do know that here and now, I love you.

That, is just beautiful.

I just wanna sing!

2010-02-22T21:06:00.001-07:00

Also... the video below:

Makes me feel pretty good about myself. I forgot I could (can) sing like that.

I recorded that spring of 2008.

Maybe I'll start taking more video of myself singing.

Now I just need an instrument.

Post-edit: So, I currently feel a little awkward about the fact that I posted this video. Because let's face it, the video is a little awkward. But... I don't care! The point is, I have a pretty dang good voice. Am I right? Seriously. Now. To make sure I stop hiding that talent under a bushel... ahem.

sooo... I'm still here! :)

2010-02-22T21:01:00.000-07:00

It has been such a very long time since I posted.

It feels strange.

I just haven't felt that much into writing about my life.

I would say that it's pretty boring.

Mmmm... you might argue with me on that point.

Anyway, remember how I said (wrote) that my life had changed drastically at one point?

And that I would post about it later?

Well, it has still changed several more times since then. And is about to change again.

Let me just tell you about it.

At the beginning of November, my nannying gig unexpectedly came to an end. I could've stayed in their house (I was living with them at the time as part of my pay), but chose to vacate and get moving so that I could figure out what my next step would be.

I moved all my stuff into a friend's house and stayed on their couch for a couple weeks while I hunted for jobs, interviewed, and worked on getting a handle on and organizing my money situation.

In a fairly short amount of time, I landed a job substitute teaching in Provo School District, and soon after, I found out about an open room in a friend's house, which I quickly snatched up. I moved into that house, and began substitute teaching. Intermittently. Sometimes it's hard to find sub jobs. Actually, a lot of the time.

Also, I forgot to mention that about a week before Thanksgiving, I started dating someone. A new someone.

Anyway, money was still pretty tight at that point, and the room I had moved into wasn't exactly cheap. Or even average-priced, for that matter. So I decided that it would be wise to move again and find something a little cheaper.

I had a couple of ideas of places to which I could move, but nothing was cemented. Nevertheless, I have great friends, and knew I could stay with them for a bit should I get stuck without a place, so I decided to take the plunge, and I just sold my contract, moved my stuff out and back into a friend's house, and then flew home for Christmas break the next day.

Over break, I got in contact with some acquaintances who were moving all together into a new house. Combined with the four of us, the rent would be really cheap, so I agreed to move in with them. As soon as I got back from break, I began moving my stuff into the new house. Didn't take me long, and I picked up lots more sub jobs, so things started calming down (it seemed). I was still dating said boy.

A couple weeks ago, I got a text from my fabulous friend Brooke, which said that they would soon have an open room in their house. "This is great news" I said.

And I decided to consider it.

Do you ever start writing a blog post, and then get tired of writing it part of the way through? I do. Right now actually.

That day I crunched some numbers, got some more detailed info on the room, etc. and after much deliberation, I decided to take it.

Honestly, I feel a little ridiculous for moving so much, but I really think it will do wonders for me, and help me feel more secure in dealing with everything! But especially the specific challenges I'm dealing with right now. And if I've learned anything, it's that I need to do what's best for me, regardless of what everyone else is going to think, and ultimately, I'll be happier. This I know.

So... in about a week, I'm moving yet again. I still haven't found anyone to take my contract where I'm at now, but I've posted an ad on craigslist, and have had a couple of people look into it. I have high hopes. Know anyone who's looking for somewhere really cheap to live? Somewhere with awesome roommates and a huge pantry and kitchen and washer and dryer?

Also, I broke up with aforementioned boy on Saturday. Suck.

Also, I decided a little while ago that I'm not earning enough money subbing. It pays reasonably well, but it's not consistent enough. I want something more consistent. I think that would really help with feeling stressed and anxious.

So right now, I am job-searching yet again.

However, I have mixed feelings about it. I really hate job searching. I hate interviewing, I hate repeatedly filling out my information and employment history on job applications even though I'm attaching a resume (with all the ame information on it!!!) anyway. I hate trying to sell myself and make myself look good. I JUST AM WHO I FREAKIN' AM. Grr. I hate checking craigslist all the time and trying to deciper what people's stupid listings mean, and i hate emailing more and more people with the EXACT SAME questions I asked the last person, and the five people before that, etc. etc. (I'm starting to feel like that part from "Ten Things I Hate About You"). What a ridiculous exercise in buttering up future employers, and using big words that you don't really mean job-searching is. It just disgusts me.

There are so many other cooler (and more worthwhile (i know i know... just don't argue with me right now. i'm ranting.)) things I could be doing with my time. Like developing hobbies, or reading and educating myself, or spending time with the people in my life that I love, or helping someone, or, or, or... you get the picture.

Anyway, that's where I'm at right now. Hopefully everything will go smoothly this week. Hopefully I'll find someone to take my contract, and maybe I'll get a new job.

Yeah, like I said, my life is kind of boring. Some days I don't like being a grown up.

PS. I have a goal of taking more pictures, which will hopefully translate to more pictures on this here blog. Which would be just fabulous. Or maybe I'll post old pictures that I haven't posted yet to supplement.

Going to Find a Christmas Tree

2010-02-22T18:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I was going to write a post about going to get our Christmas Tree (I'm a little late I know). However I later realized that my mom had already written a post about the exact same thing. So if you want to read about how the whole night went down, go there. However, I do have some quotes that I still want to add to the story.

1. While we were at the farm looking at the trees, Coy picked up a tree and turned it around. Katie must not have been satisfied with the distribution of the branches on that particular tree, because all of a sudden she goes, "Oh! He's a baldy!"

2. Emily has serious issues with being away from home. She'll go if it's an activity to which we're all going, but even then she can generally be pretty grumpy about being out and about. This particular night, as soon as we found a tree we seemed semi-okay with, she piped up immediately: "Okay! let's get out of here!" If one tries to argue with her with a statement along the lines of this: "Emily we just got here!", she'll say something to the effect of "I know, I'm just wondering... let's get out of here."

3. This one was also Emily, and I'm not exactly positive to what it applied. She had mentioned earlier in the evening how she liked to watch something that mom liked. She then later must have said something to the opposite of that, and mom called her on it. Then Emily says, hoping not to hurt anyone's feelings, "Yeah, i like to watch them, but..."
Then Coy's sarcasm kicked in: "Basically she doesn't like them but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings."
Then Emily, thinking that that statement was a possible escape from the situation without making anyone feel bad, jumped right on the bandwagon. "Yeah! I don't want to hurt your feelings."

4. Later, once we had chosen a tree, Coy was trying to load it into the bed of his truck. Katie must not have approved of the way Coy was handling the tree. "Be gentle!" she cried.
Coy yelled back, incredulously, "it's a TREE!"

5. On our drive home, Coy noticed that someone's door wasn't shut all the way. We discovered that it was Katie's door, and so she quickly opened it and shut it, but to no avail.
"Katie, it's still not shut!"
Upon further examination, she quickly realized that the very tip top of the tree was poking around the cab of the truck just a tiny bit, and that Katie had managed to slam the tip of the tree into her door when she shut it.
"Aw, shoot.. the tree!"
After realizing this, she opened and re-slammed her door several more times. Only squishing the top of the tree more.
"Katie!!" we all yelled. "It's not working!"

6. Finally, after the slamming-the-tree-in-the-car-door incident, we were discussing one of Katie's upcoming dates for which she was not very excited. These were her thoughts on the event: "I hate guys who can't spell. And he can't even spell!"

the first snow

2010-01-05T18:43:00.000-07:00

This morning, I got a text at 8:03am. (This post was originally composed early in december, 2009.)

It said, simply:

"SNOW!! :)"

I jolted up and rushed to the window. When I pulled the curtains aside, I saw this:

And even though it looks dreary (you can't tell, but it was actually snowing when this picture was taken), the text, combined with the first official snow of the season reminded me of more carefree times.

And I remembered this:

It's easy to forget, in the midst of hard times, the simple joy that can come from the little things. Like the first snow. And your freshman year of college.

But today, I remembered.

remember?

2009-12-28T18:29:00.000-07:00

Remember how I posted about my rebellion against the rush of... life? The busyness?

Here is a quote that I found while reading Nie's blog.

"Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”(Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

Quoted from Elder M. Russell Ballard in this talk.

Let's just live in the moment. Always.

Resolutions?

2009-12-28T17:34:00.000-07:00

I was thinking that I should do a post about any New Year's Resolutions I have.

Then I realized that I kind of did that with one of my last posts.

I have plans to set other goals, too, however.

I'll get back to you when I have those laid out.

I've also been having some thoughts about harnessing my gusto for life again. I feel like I'm a little bit... stuck in a rut.

Also, I hate it when I sleep until noon. It makes me feel so very... slob-ish.

(unless, that is, I was up really ridiculously late the night before.)

Hey. I found a goal!

Go to bed at midnight or earlier to reduce the odds I will sleep until noon.

Like, woah.

2009-12-21T01:07:00.001-07:00

"In this matter of counterfeit intimacy and deceptive gratification, I express particular caution to the men who hear this message. I have heard all my life that it is the young woman who has to assume the responsibility for controlling the limits of intimacy in courtship because a young man cannot. What an unacceptable response to such a serious issue! What kind of man is he, what priesthood or power or strength or self-control does this man have that lets him develop in society, grow to the age of mature accountability, perhaps even pursue a university education and prepare to affect the future of colleagues and kingdoms and the course of the world, but yet does not have the mental capacity or the moral will to say, "I will not do that thing"? No, this sorry drugstore psychology would have us say, 'He just can't help himself. His glands have complete control over his life--his mind, his will, his entire future.'

"To say that a young woman in such a relationship has to bear her responsibility and that of the young man's too is the least fair assertion I can imagine. In most instances if there is sexual transgression, I lay the burden squarely on the shoulders of the young man--for our purposes probably a priesthood bearer--and that's where I believe God intended responsibility to be. In saying that I do not excuse young women who exercise no restraint and have not the character or conviction to demand intimacy only in its rightful role. I have had enough experience in Church callings to know that women as well as men can be predatory. But I refuse to buy some young man's feigned innocence who wants to sin and call it psychology."

YEAH!!!

I found a printed copy of Jeffrey R. Holland's talk "Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments" (which is great... you should read it) today, and decided to read through some of it.

I came across the above quote and WOAH.

Seriously, you tell 'em Elder Holland.

Just some thoughts.

2009-12-20T22:05:00.010-07:00

Another thing I've recently realized, is that I'm currently in a sort of state of rebellion against... obligations. And deadlines. In general.

I think it's a product of the fact that I spent the majority of my life focused on accomplishment as my main form of self-esteem. I wasn't anything unless I was achieving.

I am currently undergoing a change of mindset in that category, and learning how to slow down, and focus instead on if I am deriving joy and happiness from whatever it is that I'm doing with my time everyday.

Things I've spent more time doing:

actually cooking healthy, satisfying, (vegetarian) meals

catching up with old friends

getting to know my newer friends better

being able to help random people who need it

actually getting enough sleep (for the first time since elementary school, probably)

Things I'm still hoping to devote more time to:

volunteering at heritage, walden school for the arts

learning how to sew, knit, and crochet

making my own homemade cleaning products, soaps, shampoos,

READING. EVERYTHING. (but especially old classics or children's books I never had a chance to read)

Discovering new, delicious, vegetarian recipes

Yoga

Photography

Specific topics I want to read up more on:

intentional communities

vegetarianism, veganism, and locavorism

freeganism

unschooling

sustainable architecture

cultural anthropology

everything eco-friendly and green

photography

eco-friendly parenting (i know... i'm not a parent yet, but who says it's too soon to learn about parenting?)

creativity and letting out our inner artist

feminism

female body image

food, and eating

activism and lots of other social issues

etc....

GAH. That is not even all of them. And there are so many more subjects I'm interested in, that I'm considering studying when I go back to school (did I mention I want to go back to school?), like Spanish. And French. And women's studies, and maybe even global politics. and international affairs.

If you hadn't noticed before, I'm currently going through a period of... liberalization.

Now. There is one problem.

I have to earn money to survive.

I've been substitute teaching, but I can't say that I particularly derive a lot of happiness from it. I know, I know... I can't always have a job that I absolutely love, ...but can't I have one that I at least don't hate? And that doesn't make me SO. EXHAUSTED. every day I have to do it?

(Okay, I'll admit that my rebellion against obligations isn't helping in this area very much.)

(But c'mon... I've gotta draw the line somewhere. Preferably somewhere before the point when i run out of food because I haven't been working and can't afford anymore.)

uh. yeah.

:)

Living Life the Slow Way

2009-12-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

Let's begin this discussion by viewing a quick video clip.

and YES. you have to watch it. (you know who you are).

So... does something about that seem wrong to anyone else??

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I feel like our society has become increasingly unaware of the ridiculous levels of busyness to which we have become accustomed.

I honestly don't believe we were intended to become so busy that we have to ignore many of our bodies signals in order to keep up with the insane schedules we have set for ourselves (school, work, church, friends, family, volunteering, etc. etc. etc.).

I don't know when it happened, but at some point we became more pre-occupied with doing, and accomplishing, then we are with achieving a level of balance and happiness in our lives.

There is an excellent scene in the movie Tuck Everlasting which reminds me of this very epidemic. Unfortunately I couldn't find the scene anywhere. So the quote will have to do (albeit, it is a lot less captivating):

"Winnie Foster was beginning to lose track of time. Had she been there a day? A week? A month? It seemed to Winnie that the Tucks lived in a way the rest of the world had forgotten. They were never in a hurry and did things the slow way. For the first time Winnie felt free to explore, to ask questions, to play."

I have so many more thoughts on this topic, but they aren't organized yet. I'll have to organize them and start posting them as they become fully formed. But I'm curious if any of the rest of you have noticed this or had any thoughts that you wouldn't mind sharing? I'd love to hear about it. Let's discuss!

2009-12-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

I really love this quote:

"Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk — real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious."— Jack Kerouac

But I'm slightly confused as to what the correct interpretation of it is. Is it advocating sex before marriage?

I just love the ending part the most I guess-- "real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious."

Because with that, I totally agree.

words?

2009-12-15T03:04:00.001-07:00

So, i was thinking just now.

I came to the conclusion that words are completely and utterly inadequate when it comes to trying to define one's self.

Am I feminist? beautiful? intelligent? passionate?

What do those words even mean?

Nope.

I am complex. More complex than I (let alone anyone else) can even understand.

The complexity of my spirit and individuality and thoughts and feelings and... existence... could never be described using such things as simple, one dimensional words. Even a combination of them.

There will always be some interpretation of a word, which is not what I meant when i originally used it to describe myself. And maybe I'm not one hundred percent true to the genuine definition of that word anyway. There's no way i'm using percentages to describe me.

(and besides... then you'd get into, like, double percentages. "mmm... i'm going to say my personality contains about eighty-three percent of about seventy-six percent of the definition of that word." But wait. That's only one definition. AND it was approximations. Seriously? no way.)

I am not a percentage. Or a number.

And no matter how many words I could hypothetically try to use to describe myself, I would always be left wanting.

And i can't take that risk.

So for now, I am simply austin.

And I have discovered, that if you really want to know me, you will have to come with me; you will have to experience my presence.

For that, I believe, is the only way to truly know a person.

i hope.

2009-12-06T00:17:00.000-07:00

I hope I can teach my children to love the earth so much that this:

...will be them.

So Lame.

2009-11-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

Teaching is such an important profession. Too bad teachers are SO not compensated as they should be.

Seriously, if a teacher needs a day off, he or she has to put in a bunch of extra work and write up plans for the whole day? Plans that are way more specific than than the teacher would even write for his or herself because who knows what this person who is coming in to teach my class is going to know.

I remember when I was a teacher, it was almost easier to go into work sick than to think about tackling the idea of writing up sub plans for the day.

LAME.

Teachers work so hard.

Can't they just have a day off when they need it without having to put in a bunch of extra work to cover for their absence?

i just...

2009-11-28T18:28:00.002-07:00

have so many emotions right now. about everything.

i wish i knew how and where and when to express them all.

and some haven't even taken shape enough in my mind for me to do anything with them yet.

but i still feel them.

i just kind of want to get them all out.

I've been typed.

2009-11-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

Soooooo... I was recently typed using the Myers Briggs scale. I don't usually put a whole lot of stock into those kinds of things, but as I was reading through some of the descriptions online about my type (I'm an INFJ. To get a description of what that means go to the link above), I found that some of the things they wrote describe exactly how I feel sometimes... I just have never been able to put those particular feelings into words before!

Exciting right?

So, I thought I'd share some of the things that I found interesting, or that were a sort of epiphany for me. So cool.

(oh, and fyi-this is pretty long, so i colored some of the more pertinent text so you can skim if you want :))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{this section quoted from http://typelogic.com/infj.html}

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals.

The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that she is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the [INFJ] is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{this section quoted from http://typelogic.com/infj.html and written by Marina Margaret Heiss}

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, [or] family. While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{this section quoted from http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html}

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{this section quoted from http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=counselor}

Counselors (or INFJs... I will replace "counselors" with "INFJs" to limit confusion from here on out) have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, [INFJs] do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries.

[INFJs] are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, [INFJs] prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

[INFJs] are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that [INFJs] are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

[INFJs] tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, [INFJs] are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, [INFJs] are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. [INFJs] are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. They themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the [INFJs] remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

This song

2009-11-16T18:28:00.002-07:00

...is speaking to me today.

ps. the movie Garden State? Amazing. Music and all. aaaa.

(minus the rather unfavorable parts of course) :)

Confession #5

2009-11-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

I don't have a favorite food.

I mean, I have a few defaults for whenever people ask me that question, but in all honesty, I really don't have a favorite.

My favorite is when I eat something that exactly, perfectly, hits the spot.

the end.

Another Great Article

2009-11-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

Just click here.

*Thanks Caitlin!

Confession #4

2009-11-12T16:32:00.000-07:00

I love looking at the grocery store ads that come in the mail and with the newspaper.

I'll even clip coupons, or make lists of various things that are on sale at all the different stores.

sub-confession: I rarely actually go and purchase any of the items I write down. Maybe it can just count as practice?

It makes me feel really domestic, and it's actually kind of relaxing for me.

Who knew.

2009-11-09T13:23:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love this article.

All Around the World

a few pictures from summer.

2009-11-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

the drive-in movie theater in Auburn.

one of my favorite places. cheaper than the regular theater, and it plays two movies.

vending machines WITH books in them. seriously? best idea ever.

uh huh. another one.

I love the look of these apartments. especially the one with the surf board on the balcony.

cool newsstand. i seriously wanted to buy everything in it.

the other side of the newsstand

jonny hahn. always there, playing his rolling piano on the street. I think he's pretty cool.

These windows are super awesome and vintag-ey. I want some for my own house someday, i think.

from the park next to pike place market.

my little sister was once scared to death by the seagulls that like to hang out in this park.

i love this fence. and the view behind it (taken from the same park pictured above).

*so, i don't feel like capitalizing, if you didn't notice. and this whole post is totally random. whatev.

random musings

2009-11-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

My life has changed drastically since I last posted. Or, well, since Monday. Don't have time to write just this minute, but I do want to link you to a couple of posts from friends that I thought were interesting, or discussed things that have been on my mind lately.

Brooke, on college and how it's not always everything it's cracked up to be.

And Elisa, on the closing of the BYU Women's Research Institute (WRI)*.

*The post she wrote which explains more in depth what is actually going on is here.

Confession #3

2009-11-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

I sweat. A lot.

You know how some girls say they don't sweat, they glisten?

Yeah, that's NOT me.

I definitely sweat. Like big, fat, droplets.

It's pretty gross.

Young Agrarians

2009-11-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

I got a movie from Netflix on Friday called Media That Matters: Good Food. It's a series of short documentaries which talk about free trade, sustainability, etc. The one below was one of my favorites.

Having spent time in the garden this summer, all of this is brought home for me a lot more. I love going to the farmer's market and buying food directly from the hands of the farmer who grew it, or better yet when I picked it myself from the garden. It really encourages a much more healthy way of living, and a great relationship with food!

ps. the movie How to Cook Your Life expounds on the idea of how cooking and the way we treat our food effects our health and our lives. Love it!

Birthday day.

2009-11-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

So, my birthday was over a month ago. In September.

I keep trying to write this spectacular post about it, but I just don't like it. However, I do want to share the pictures with you.

Let me start by saying: I have the coolest friends.

They planned a picnic for me on the roof/deck of the house I lived in for summer.

Complete with tons of yummy homemade food, sparkling cider, and a birthday cake.

They told me the ingredients came from magic land.

Oh, and zoo animal cupcakes. Did I mention the zoo animal cupcakes?

Well, they were delicious. I chose the one with the giraffe on it, and let Elisa have the hippo (because we all know hippos are Elisa's favorite).

The birthday cake had a peace candle on it. A big fat green one. And I blew it out with my first breath.

I think those are both good omens.

Finally, they gave me a gift. Little handmade finger puppets. A monkey, an alpaca, and a blue and white snail. Also from magic land (appropriately, I think).

I did some other things, but I think this picnic was the highlight of my birthday (well, that and the fact that some of my other friends I haven't seen in awhile remembered and called me :)).

I really like being twenty-three (and being me).

evening.

2009-10-30T23:32:00.000-06:00

I love that time of day (night), just after I've brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc., etc., and just before I fall asleep. When everything feels all cozy and warm inside, and I have the promise of a fresh new day to look forward to.

It's so peaceful.

It makes me happy.

I like it.

Oh Happy Weekend

2009-10-27T15:46:00.001-06:00

I had an absolutely blissful weekend.

I went down to my favorite crazy single girl house in Provo and spent the whole entire weekend there.

We spent Friday evening digging up potatoes in the dark.

Doesn't sound very fun, but have you ever tried digging potatoes in the dark? It's a very interesting activity.

I agree with any little kid who tells you that there's something very rewarding about digging around in the soil with your bare hands. (You should try it sometime).

Plus, they were purple potatoes. (How can you go wrong with purple potatoes?)

We stayed up late and talked and told stories about random things, and ate delicious food (like we always do). On Saturday, we went to the farmer's market (which is my favorite place in the whole wide world. No, not just the Provo one. ANY farmer's market). I meandered with two of my favorite people and ate delicious authentic mexican food and purchased some fabulous treasures.

I found the perfect bag there. The one that I've been hoping to find for months but thought was only available in a foreign country.   And it was cheaper than I thought it would be. Jackpot.

And I bought a pumpkin. A fresh, Utah farmer's market pumpkin. From which I plan to extract every single seed, for washing and roasting and then... devouring. Then I will save the rest of the pumpkin, from which I plan to make a fresh. pumpkin. pie. Which I might share with YOU. Because what thing isn't infinitely better when you share it with your favorite people?

Did I mention that I almost forgot to buy that pumpkin? Well, I did almost forget. The mexican food distracted me and I got all the way home before realizing I had forgotten my long-awaited farmer's market pumpkin. Luckily, my friend (who also wanted a pumpkin) has a car. And so we went, all the way back (all 5 blocks) to the farmer's market to get pumpkins. A task at which we succeeded... only to find, once we returned home again, a large glob (mass? spillage?) of laundry detergent on the floor of this particular friend's car. And so, we spent the next three hours or so trying to figure out a way to get all the horrible, concentrated, liquid soap out of the carpet of the car. And I enjoyed it.

I love that I have free time. So that I can spend whole afternoons helping out a friend, just because I feel like it. And oh, nope, I don't have ANY homework to do, or anywhere specific to be, and I have all the time in the world to sit here and help you out.

Did I mention that I hung a clothesline in my room today? Well, I did.

And that I hung clothes on it to dry just this very morning? (Yes, I'm saving energy).

And I planted flowers right outside my window. The kind that are bulbs, and that you plant in the fall then they bloom in the spring. You know, like tulips, and daffodils.

And then when the first inkling of springtime comes, I will know it. I will know it because bright red tulips will spring forth from the barren earth right. outside. my window. JOY.

Later, on the farmer's market, soap spilling day, I went to out to dinner. We (those who accompanied me to dinner) decided we wanted italian food, and so we went to Olive Garden.   The only problem was that we had wanted to walk to wherever we went, because the weather was so very fall like, and lovely, in a blustery, drizzly, gray, but beautiful kind of way.

Olive Garden is kind of far away and so we had to drive. To our dismay.

On the way there, we shouted dramatically out the car windows at the drizzly weather and everyone and no one all at the same time.

When we arrived, we were told that there would be a fifteen or twenty minute wait. What a stroke of luck!! Just enough time to make a couple of laps around the restaurant and satisfy our walking craving.

In the back of the restaurant we found a cluster of trees which had purple leaves. This (the cluster) we named the maroon way of sparkling mystery, and we touched the pretty leaves and twirled under the treetops.

When our beeper went off, we went inside, and gorged ourselves on breadsticks and salad and beautiful pasta. For dessert? Chocolate lava cake torte thing. Chocolate deliciousness. Whatever you want to call it. All I know is that it had strawberries, and vanilla cream sauce, and it was gone in a matter of approximately thirty seconds between the three of us. Need I say more?

And this was only the beginning of the evening. I won't go into all the details, because I would probably never stop! but it was a great spontaneous, joyful evening.

And Sunday, was spent mostly lounging (except the three hour break when we went to church). After we got home, we lounged some more. Being lazy is great sometimes.

We also spent some time looking up info on the main characters of the movie we had seen the night before (Bright Star) What a terribly tragic story it was! But oh how we wished gorgeous poet men would fall in love with us and write us passionate love letters.

Like I said, it was a blissful weekend.

a missionary email

2009-10-26T13:51:00.000-06:00

Originally emailed home from Houston on April 6th 2009.

Dear Family,

Cool Stories from this week:

We've been teaching this less active member named Sandy. She was baptized when she was about 12, and hasn't really been active ever since. But she has a six year old son and decided she wants him to have a base, so when she saw the english elders on a corner she pulled the car over to talk to them. She doesn't speak english so she just barely was able to explain where her apartment complex is and the apartment number. When we went over to visit her she told us that she is a member, and so we've been teaching her the new member lessons basically, because she doesn't remember hardly anything of our doctrine... not even about Joseph Smith! Anyway, she's great and loves to give us things even though she doesn't have hardly enough money to pay her rent. About a week ago we went to an appointment we had with her and partway through the lesson we got off on how she had gotten into a fight with someone from work the night before. She said that she got really mad and didn't want to talk to anyone, and went off to take a breather. Then she noticed that she had a voicemail on her phone, and decided to listen to it. It was the voicemail that I had left on her phone reminding her of the appointment that we had the following day, and just calling to check on her. She said that as soon as she listened to the message she felt calm and peaceful, and she remembered to say a prayer to help her have patience with her co-worker. After that she was able to handle the situation. Man... it was so cool. The story was a witness not only to her, but to us too that we really are messengers of Christ. We all left feeling great and uplifted. Often the spirit can work through us and we don't even know it.

Yesterday, we taught a lesson to a new investigator named Monique. She lives in a trailer park in the northern part of our area, with her boyfriend's family. She looks to be about 18 and she just had a baby on March 13th. She's really sweet, and so we were excited to go over and teach her, although we weren't sure if she'd actually be there. When we got there, sure enough she was there, and almost the whole rest of the family as well! As we started the lesson with the song "I am a child of God", we had only Monique there, and she seemed a little uncomfortable singing in front of all the rest of her family. But as we sang, most of the little children in the house started to gather peering at us strange white people in their house singing in spanish. We then offered a prayer, and began the lesson. As we taught, the group grew larger. Soon the two twelve year old girls were on the couch as well. The women who was cooking in the kitchen was bashfully listening and watching... although every time we looked over at her she would pretend like she wasn't. Then the husband of the woman cooking in the kitchen came and sat on the couch as well. His children gathered around him. An older woman came out of a back bedroom and took a seat at the kitchen table, listening. Eventually, the woman that was cooking in the kitchen came in and took a seat on the couch as well. Eventually we had a group of about 10 people all squished into the tiny living room of this trailer, as we taught them about prophets, and the story of Joseph Smith. They gladly agreed to pray about our message and accepted the day and time we proposed to return. None of them were extremely educated in terms of the bible or religion in general, but they had such quiet simple faith. The spirit was very strong and I felt so blessed to be the vessel through which God could reveal his restored gospel to this humble, loving family.

Finally, I would ask that you keep our investigators in your prayers. We have such high hopes for all of them, but they struggle greatly with many of the worldly challenges that face them, and often face greater hardships as the adversary tries to prevent them from taking the steps they need to take to happiness. However we love them so much, and pray for them often. We know that your prayers make a difference as well.

I hope you all are doing fabulously, and I hope to hear from all of you soon!

Love,

Hermana Hollenbaugh

The Laptop Saga

2009-10-16T18:51:00.001-06:00

So about a month and a half ago, I set out to purchase a laptop of my very own.

I knew I was going to need to get one eventually (only having 90 minutes a day at the local library and then having to mooch off my friends any other time I wanted to use a computer just wasn't working out for an independent blogger type, such as I), but it was my first time buying a computer... any kind of computer... and I wanted to make sure I got one which would last me a while, and would meet my needs without any problems.  I began researching, and eventually determined exactly what it was that I was going to need (I tend to take my time when making decisions regarding large amounts of money).

Eventually, I decided I wanted a Sony, because their products have a good reputation, they've been around forever, and their laptops are pretty dang sleek-looking (which, of course, is definitely the most important part).

Once I had decided on the Sony brand, I then set about trying to find a model I liked.  I tried their "customize to order" feature, which was pretty exciting, but turns out what I wanted was definitely completely out of my budget.  Most of you probably know that Sony laptops are generally pretty expensive.  After that, I started browsing the refurbished section, which was just my kind of thing.  Awesome deals, and environmentally friendly.  After spending minutes and hours and days pouring over the specifications of every laptop in my budget on their refurbished page, I finally picked out an almost perfect match to what I wanted.  It was beautiful.  ...And after I finally got up the courage to give them my credit card number, I placed the order, and was told I was only going to have to wait about five business days (actually less, they told me, because they are in San Diego, and I am here in Utah).  

I was okay with that.  I settled in, thinking of things that would keep my computer needs occupied until my very own laptop arrived on my doorstep sometime the following week.  "So soon it will be here!" I told myself, and I let myself be excited.  All my hard, head-achy, eye-popping work had paid off.

So I waited.  A couple days after placing the order, I was at the library checking my email and I came across an email from Sony, which said the following: 

Good Evening Austin,

We regret to inform you that all or part of your Sony Style order ST09090900364 has been delayed.

In order to serve you better in the future, our warehouse system was shutdown tonight.  Regrettably, we encountered problems with your order that prevented your order from being fulfilled in time for the shutdown. Unfortunately, we will be unable to ship your order until 9/18/2009.  

I got this email on September 11th, 2 business days after I had placed the order.  You can only imagine my anguish.

I called them a few days after that, just to double check that that was really what had happened, was there anyway it could be shipped out sooner, etc.  The man I spoke with said there was a possibility it could go out on the 16th.  So I banked on that.

When I didn't even get an email on the 18th saying that it had been shipped, I called again.  And they gave me some lame excuse and a new shipping date.  

It didn't get shipped then either. 

Oh, but don't worry, they did manage to debit $75 from my bank account.

After multiple other calls, and much time spent listening to their ridiculously obnoxious hold music, they finally sent me an email saying that they had cancelled the order.  I guess they sold my chosen laptop to someone else at the same time I was placing my order for it, and so when I bought it it was already sold.  Or something stupid like that.

This was around the 23rd of September after having placed the order on the 9th of September.

Anyway, I was incredibly frustrated and it took me awhile to get my willpower up to being able to accept the idea of having to start my search all. over. again.  But I finally did, and I actually ended up with a new macbook which I am very very happy with.

However I'm still, to this day, trying to get my $75 refunded.

I'm generally pretty amiable, and willing to work with people, but these people were some of the most frustrating, and unreliable I have ever worked with.

I talked to some very well meaning people on the phone.  BUT... they NEVER let me speak with a manager (they kept referring to some kind of elite group of manager people, to whom I was apparently not allowed to speak), and every time they said they were going to do something, I had to double check to see if they had really done it (they usually hadn't), and then call the stupid customer service number AGAIN to remind them that they told me they were going to do something and they still hadn't done it.  

The moral of the story:  Don't buy anything from Sony.  Their customer service sucks hardcore.

Confession #2

2009-10-16T17:33:00.001-06:00

I'm hypoglycemic.

That's not really the confession.

The confession is the part about how it sometimes almost leads me into panic attacks. Kind of.

I don't really know exactly where the problem originates, but below is a description of what happens.

I'm usually in the midst of some project, and I start feeling kind of hungry. I don't want to walk away just yet from my project, and I can't think of anything that's ready in the fridge that sounds particularly good, so I hold off and continue with whatever it is that I'm working on for a little while longer.

"Just until I get to a good stopping point" I tell myself.

The hunger increases, and I continue to ignore it, because I don't really have any ready solutions (yes, i know i'm lazy thank you).

Then I'll have to go to the bathroom, or I get up to get a drink, and when I stand up that semi-black out thing happens (you know, like when you stand up too fast?) and then I remember that I AM hypoglycemic and I need to eat something soon or I'll start feeling really crappy, and "why don't you take better care of yourself already dang it?". So I finally go to the kitchen to try to figure something out.

The problem is, though, that usually once I get to that point, the thought and appearance of most foods makes me want to gag. And that's when I start getting kind of panicky.

I rush around the kitchen looking in the fridge and each cupboard multiple times, hoping that something that looks and sounds delicious, will magically appear somewhere (nothing ever does).

After that fails, I realize that I'm going to have to think a little harder and make something up. Like, I'll have to cook something. But then the nausea strikes again at the thought of most kinds of food, and there's also the fact that my brain really isn't functioning at it's highest level due to lack of sugar and the panic that's beginning to set in.

And then my thought process usually goes like this: ...blahg! everything sounds gross and nothing that could be made would be any good but that doesn't matter anyway because i don't have time to spend making anything because i'm starting to feel clammy and my circulation isn't very good and i kind of feel like I'm going to pass out soon if I don't sit down but I can't sit down because I have to get some food in me and... and... and... sldkjgonwenflskjdo, aaahhaahha!!!

Like five minutes ago, for example.

note: I usually end up figuring something out (I'm not passing out on a daily basis, at least). It's just the getting to the figuring it out moment that sucks.

But still...

It's kind of embarrassing.

Confession #1*

2009-10-14T22:26:00.003-06:00

I love looking at all the beads hanging up together at the craft store. Something about all the bright colors and glittery-ness and endless shapes and sizes just brings me inexplicable joy.

Definitely more than is probably normal.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TSp75CDEjxU/RYeEk6ad0oI/AAAAAAAAAAM/LeQI-fAMQ-g/s1600/KC_CloisonnePin_WallHanging.jpg

http://cdn-write.demandstudios.com/upload//1000/900/70/2/21972.jpg

http://www.craftkitsandsupplies.com/images/Craft_Beads_Purple_Aztec_Barrel_Beads.jpg

http://www.accesswave.ca/~yellowwood/LisaBeads/seed%20beads2.jpg

Not to mention all the beautiful scrapbooking paper. And I don't even scrapbook.

Oh. And. Did I tell you about the yarn? Or the embroidery thread?

Seriously, I am completely mesmerized every time.

*Ok, so it's not like a super juicy confession or anything, but I've been meaning to get around to doing a little bit of a confession thing on here. So here's to being an elephant and never forgetting my ancient goals.

So Proud

2009-10-13T15:52:00.000-06:00

I found this survey data on the American Red Cross website, and I am oh so proud to call myself a female between the ages of 18 and 24.

Read below to find out why.

The American Red Cross conducted a survey of about 1000 blood donors to find out more about those who donate and why. Whether you are a donor or not, there are a few things you may have in common.

You selected: Female (age 18-24)

Among 18-24 year old women who are blood donors:

* About 40% have been donating for 2 to 3 years
* More than half donated blood for the first time because they felt it was their civic duty and wanted to help others
* 45 percent would travel over 10 miles to donate blood — the most of any age or gender group
* More than half describe themselves as leaders and they are more likely to want to be recognized for their good deeds than other gender and age groups
* More are likely to be involved in social groups and athletic activities than older women
* Nearly all (~100%) believe that the American Red Cross contributes to the community!

Donors who are like you donated blood the first time because they felt it was their duty and to help others. They want to be known for their good deeds, and they will go out of their way to do what they think is right. We thank you and your peers both for the dedication and for the overwhleming support of the American Red Cross. You deserve to wear the badge of honor!

*Again, I found this info at http://www.givelife2.org/donor/whereyoufit.asp

Go do it. It's not nearly as scary as it seems like it would be, it's free, AND they give you as many free treats and drinks afterwards as you want! I've donated several times with MountainStar Blood Services in Provo and I've had nothing but great experiences with them. In fact, you can just show up there, anytime during their operating hours, and donate! If you get a group of 10 or more together and call ahead, they'll order pizza for everyone, in addition to the normal snacks and drinks you get. Plus after you donate with them, they'll mail you a little card with all your information on it, so the next time you go, there's hardly any paperwork to fill out.

This Saturday is my 8 week marker since the last time I donated, and I have an appointment to go do it again on that very day. In fact, I'm bringing my little sister with me so she can donate too (I guess I figure, why not start 'em young? :)). And yes, I'm proud of it.

Baboonery

2009-10-12T18:24:00.001-06:00

I know, I know, I'm kind of on a blogging spree today, but I've been meaning to post these for awhile and just haven't gotten around to it. And I've kind of been stuck inside today. So it works.

I found this in an old edition of National Geographic Magazine (March 2008), and just think it's SO.cute. Almost too cute.

SITTING KITTY
A patient little cat endures lessons in baboonery. According to notes accompanying the photograph—which arrived at the Geographic in 1956 but was never published by the magazine—"Baboon mother tries to make Fluffy sit up like a good monkey baby. But the kitten always falls back on her four legs. It seems like such a hopeless case." The baboon, named Helen, was an attraction at Ross Allen's Reptile Institute, a roadside zoo funded in 1929 in Silver Springs, Florida. She may have been a holdover from the days when Tarzan movies were filmed in the region and Allen provided animal actors for visiting Hollywood productions.

—Margaret G. Zackowitz

Even though the cat is obviously like, "dude... what are you trying to do", I still love the sense of community. Why do we have to exclude people and be all elitist and racist all the time? Let's just include everyone. Even the cats amongst us baboons.

Fat Talk

2009-10-12T16:51:00.000-06:00

This is SO sad, friends.

Seriously. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Watch this. It's for your own good.

Plain White T's & Snow Patrol

2009-10-12T11:09:00.002-06:00

Some friends and I went to the Snow Patrol/Plain White T's concert Saturday night.

(from left to right: Evan, me, Robbie, Glade, and Katy.)

(Another friend, Heather, showed up later after this picture was taken, and we didn't get any new ones... sorry!)

I'd never been a huge follower of either of those bands, but I knew that both had come out with songs that I really liked, and I'm just a huge concert fan in general, so we got a group together and went.

Plain White T's was supposed to open, but the poor lead singer had a cold. So they came out and just did three songs:

1 2 3 4

Sunlight

Hey There Delilah (of course)

Sunlight was the only one they played that I hadn't yet heard, and I'm a big fan! It was excellent, especially live. In fact in preparation for the concert I listened to some of their stuff, and had decided that overall I liked Snow Patrol's stuff better. But after hearing their little three song set, I checked out their latest album on iTunes (Big Bad World--Bonus Track Version), decided I really liked it, and bought it! :)

Cool note: When we were leaving, we walked right past the drummer from Plain White T's! He was just standing around outside the bleachers!

After about a 30-45 minute interim between bands, Snow Patrol came out and put on a fantastic show. Seriously after I left my appreciation for them as artists had jumped about 100 points. Did you know they're from Ireland (I know, I'm pathetic... I didn't even know that)? Their music and their show really showed off their abilities as musicians, and the true artists in them. I was really pleasantly surprised.

I of course loved Chasing Cars, but some favorites I discovered at the concert were:

Crack the Shutters (oh man... I am in LOVE.)

The Planets Bend Between Us
The Golden Floor (especially awesome live, with the ethnic drums going on)
The Lightening Strike (the linked video shows a little bit of the cool animation I write about below)

The Lightening Strike was their encore, and it was particularly excellent because of the 3-D animation they had going on on the screen behind them throughout the whole song. Before they came out again for the encore, a little explanation of the song scrolled on the screen, explaining how one night during a thunder storm, they had "penned" three songs, and then they decided to put them together into one (it's like a 15 minute song) and call it The Lightening Strike (for obvious reasons). If I had just heard the song, I'm not sure I would've particularly liked it, but with the animation going on in the background it was absolutely beautiful. I just wish I had taken some video of it, because it's hard to describe.

There was another song that I liked, but I can't remember the name of it. I particularly liked it though, because there was this cool video playing in the background of someone driving through the streets of Belfast.

They also played Just Say Yes for the second time ever, live! They said they had played it live for the first time just the night before, so we were only the second group to witness it live. (I know, cool right?)

After the concert I bought their album A Hundred Million Suns from iTunes.

Below are a few of the videos I captured from the event.
(I especially thought funny the one where the guitarist and lead singer of Snow Patrol are singing right in each other's faces... ha)

2009-10-11T19:14:00.000-06:00

I'm so loving this song lately. Any cowboys around that feel like taking me away? :)

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars

Oh it sounds good to me I said

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall

I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile

Oh it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly
Oh it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you
Closer to you
Cowboy take me away.
Closer to you

"Cowboy Take Me Away" by The Dixie Chicks

The "D" Word (No, not that one...)

2009-10-11T19:01:00.001-06:00

Diet.

I'm a horrible eater. Not necessarily meaning that I eat things that are unhealthy, rather I don't eat consistently.

And when I don't eat consistently, I really don't feel well. Since, you know, I'm hypoglycemic.

Dizziness, nausea, fatigue, headaches, etc. etc. etc.

It really isn't much fun, and it keeps me in, when I could otherwise be out playing and enjoying the last little bit of reasonable weather.

So I've had a thought. I've been thinking that maybe if I made myself a meal menu every week, it would be easier because I wouldn't have to think about what I was going to make, or if I had the ingredients... I'd just have to make sure I had time to make it.

I found this awesome link to a full months worth of vegetarian meals and shopping lists for fall which I'm planning on using (and you should use it too... it's just that awesome).

But what I really want to know is what all of you do. Do you have a specific shopping day? Do you do the menu thing? Weekly? Monthly? I need some tips people. And y'all are my favorite kind of people, so I'm expecting some pretty cool tips.

Also, does anyone know of a good chiropractor or massage therapist (or both?) in the Provo/Orem area? I've been having some upper back issues which have been causing headaches too, and I'm reluctant to go to just any old chiropractor. Especially since they like, jostle your bones around and such.

The Fun Theory

2009-10-10T09:53:00.000-06:00

How can we get people to make better choices? By making it fun.

Do you think we can get more people to throw their trash IN the trash can if we make it fun?
Watch the below video to find out.

What about getting people to take the stairs as opposed to the escalator?

What a great idea! Seriously, can you imagine all the other amazing changes we could make in this world if we applied this theory to other world problems?

Any ideas anyone?

[Videos courtesy of thefuntheory.com, and youtube.com. I originally found them on itsallaboutthehat.blogspot.com]

Let It Rain

2009-10-06T18:03:00.002-06:00

I remember a day. A couple of years ago was this day.

I was walking home from BYU campus on this particularly blustery, rainy day.

The rain drops were fat, and fell from the sky like great watery bombs. As they fell they were swirled and jolted by great gusts of wind. I pulled my jacket tighter around me, scrunched my eyebrows, and tilted my head forward looking at the ground in hopes of keeping as much water off of me as possible. I took great quick steps, trying to get to my warm dry apartment faster. All I could think about was how my pants were getting all wet and I hope that my papers in my backpack aren't getting wet and ugh I just washed my hair this morning and now it's going to get all wet and gross and, man...

As I came to the south edge of campus and started down the steps, I saw something that would change my outlook on that day, and my attitude toward the outdoors for good. Or rather remind me of what it used to be.

A girl that was about my age was climbing up the hill headed towards campus. She had bare feet, and a long cream-colored flowy blouse. Her hair was long and wavy and blowing unrestrained in the wind. Her face looked forward, confidently, smiling to have the opportunity to experience Mother Nature in this up-close, intimate way.

My grip on my jacket loosened slightly, and a smile slowly grew across my face.

I suddenly wanted to feel the wet ground under my bare feet, and let the wind and rain tousle my hair.

I wanted to feel the chubby water droplets on my arms, and watch the goosebumps rise on my skin from the chill of the cool wind.

Why do we shelter ourselves so? Why do we keep our inner wildness from the elements?

The rest of my walk home was spent trying to get my body to open up and take it's original place as part of the natural world.

Of course, it is a little hard when you live in Utah and it FREEZES hardcore in the winter.

But even then, there is still so much beauty to be enjoyed. And we were made to enjoy it.

Let us embrace all that nature has to offer. There is always something in it that can be enjoyed and appreciated. Besides, the fresh air is good for your soul.

Ugh.

2009-10-05T20:42:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry I'm lame guys.

I've been in and out of this weird illness for the past few days. I felt pretty good all weekend watching conference and eating yummy food and hanging out with my friends, but last night I got this horrible migraine and it was back to feeling bad.

So I've been holed up here in the house sleeping and bored out of my mind. And I haven't been able to get myself to focus on writing long enough to get a blog post up.

Who knows, maybe after I get this post up, I will get on a roll and I'll post some of the other posts I have half done. Or something random.

But for now, I'm going to remember fun times at the beach with my family.

The First of Many

2009-09-30T23:37:00.000-06:00

This will be the first of a series of posts taken from my mission. There was a period of time during which I wasn't able to post to my blog, so I'll probably take from the emails I sent home then. I might also add editor's notes, or pictures, etc. Whatever I can think of that would make things more fun. Hope you enjoy it! (I know you will.)

{Originally sent March 30th, 2009}

Dear friends and family,

I hope you all are doing great!

Things are going awesome down here in the Bear Creek ward. We just had a baptism last night! The man's name is Dolores, and he's thirty-three years old. Hna. McMurtrey and I found him one day while we were knocking doors in a trailer park. We were actually on our way to the car to leave, when he just happened to walk out of his house and we just happened to stop and talk to him, and set up an appointment. After our first appointment, he came to church the very same day, and he's been rock solid ever since. He told us a couple of appointments into the lessons about how before we found him he'd been praying to find the true church, and then he went on to say how he never goes outside, but he just happened to go outside at the very moment we were passing his house. We just started teaching his brother, Victor, and he came to church yesterday as well, and stayed for the baptism. [Shortly after I left that area, Victor got baptized. I think Dolores may have even baptized him!]

We also had some great first lessons this week. We found quite a few people with great potential and we hope to have several more baptisms in the near future.

Some things that I love about Houston:

Hibiscus flowers and palm trees grow naturally here! It's gorgeous!

[Okay, so this is actually a banana plant (I think) that i took a picture of in a member's yard, but isn't that cool anyway!?]

[These are a couple of the pretty palm trees I was talking about. Some were uglier than others. These were the pretty kind. (And no, I'm not discriminating... they're trees for goodness sakes!)]

[I didn't actually take this photo (mine weren't nearly as good as this), but I want you to get the full gorgeous effect, and that's what they looked like! Everywhere!]

Little gecko/lizard guys live here as well. It's so fun to see them just running along outside the edge of a house, or whatever.

[Alright, I didn't actually take this one either, though I do have some photos somewhere of lizards we saw on a few occasions, I don't know where they are right now (sad.day.). I guess it will have to be later gator? :)]

Spring is long and beautiful. Started on the first of February and the weather is still great at the perfect temperature.

Also, I'm proud to say that I already wore out my first pair of shoes! Proof that I've been working hard :).

Again I hope things are going well. I'd love to hear about what's going on in YOUR life!

Hermana Austin Lee

Blogger's Block

2009-09-29T22:42:00.000-06:00

I have the most horrible news. I think I may have blogger's block.

This is a serious problem.

I have about 5 half composed posts in my files waiting to be finished, and it just keeps not happening.

I really really want to finish them so that you can read the delectable goodness before it's completely outdated, but it could be done so very descriptively and beautifully and I think (hope) I'm capable of producing that kind of writing.

I need to be inspired!

Or maybe I just don't have the patience to sit and write them the way I feel they deserve to be written.

Either way... what i really need to know is if anyone knows of a cure?

Pretty please?

:(

Fixed!

2009-09-29T09:49:00.000-06:00

Alright folks, we're fixed (the blog, I mean)! Feel free to leave as many comments as your little heart desires.

ps. y'all are great. seriously, i have the best friends ever.

Problems?

2009-09-28T00:24:00.002-06:00

Is anyone else having trouble getting to/commenting on here? I've officially heard from about 3 people now that they've had issues, but no specifics as to what the problem is (?).

I thought it was a little weird when no one commented on my letter post (i thought it was pretty funny... if i do say so myself).

Someone email or facebook or something and tell me what's going on! Is there an error message? Does the link not work?

I will fix this. Do not fear.

Little Girls

2009-09-27T16:03:00.005-06:00

I found these fabulous ads on the Dove website. They do an excellent job of showing what the media does to the population, even little girls, without us even catching on.

Watch them! Show them to your little girls or teenage daughters or grown friends! They're great!

(Go to the actual Dove website to see versions that are a little clearer.)

I think my favorite is the one below (called Onslaught). The music is fabulous (just the right mix of creepy and urgent) and the effect of all the images flying towards the screen really helps get the point across (in my little opinion).

And I just thought the one below was cute.

SO dumb. Rar.

2009-09-19T13:19:00.004-06:00

I am so annoyed.

A few days ago I was downstairs with the kids I nanny, and an episode of My Wife and Kids came on. I wasn't really watching, but then one of the characters (who was pregnant) announced that she wanted to have her baby at home.

And then the parents freaked out.

And then it just went downhill from there.

Just wait until the midwife comes onto the scene.

No wonder kids and parents and everyone nowadays have such a negative attitude towards homebirth and midwives.

I won't even get started. I am completely appalled.

But I will say this:

It is completely unfair to be teaching teens and tweens and adults or anyone else who might watch this show, that midwives are nothing but uneducated, ridiculous hippies. Even in the name of entertainment. There are huge numbers of activities that would be so much healthier as forms of entertainment (don't get me started on that either). Why do we continue to perpetuate all of those ridiculous wives tales that keep rolling around? What does that say about our society?

This is not the stone age anymore folks. It's time we got past our prejudices and misconceptions and really learned the truth. Not just about natural birth, but about everything.

And yes, I have watched the rest of the episode, and no, it definitely does NOT get any better. In fact it gets more stupid and more unrealistic.

Vintage Beauty

2009-09-16T10:20:00.003-06:00

I'm dying for one of these (from Byrd & Belle):

Isn't it beautiful?

I just recently ordered a laptop for myself (from SONY), and it will need a cover when it comes.

And the laptop I ordered has a 13.3 in. display. Just the right size for aforementioned cover.

Toying with the idea of buying it for myself, but my birthday IS next week...

Friends, Not Food.

2009-09-15T10:30:00.004-06:00

I found these cute descriptions in National Geographic and I can't help but share them. It explains the different intelligence levels of several different types of animals. I thought it was adorable and hopefully you will too!

Each description was determined through studies done at various aquariums, zoos, or universities, etc.
(which has been listed below each description).

Giant Pacific Octopus

Has distinct personality, uses tools, recognizes individuals
National Aquarium in Baltimore, MD

"With sizable brains and dexterous arms, octopuses are known to block their dens with rocks and amuse themsevles shooting water at plastic-bottle targets (the first reported invertebrate play behavior) and at lab staff. They may even express basic emotions by changing color, says Seattle Aquarium's Roland Anderson."

African Cichlid

Determines social rank through observation, a step on the way to logical reasoning.
Stanford University, Stanford, CA

African Grey Parrot

Counted; knew colors, shapes, and sizes; had basic grasp of the abstract concept of zero.
Brandeis University, Waltham, MA

Asian Elephant

Retains long memories and social ties; possesses a sense of self.
National Zoo, Washington, DC

Black Leicester Longwool

Sheep recognize individual faces and remember them long term.
Hopping Acres Farm, Bruceton Mills, WV

New Caledonian Crow

Solves problems and creates and uses tools--once thought the domain solely of primates.
Oxford University, Oxford, United Kingdom

Border Collie

Retains an ever growing vocabulary that rivals that of a toddler's.
Vienna, Austria

So fun to see that animals have people like qualities too! I love that the elephant has a sense of self, and that the octopus can show emotion by changing colors.

Just more proof that "[Animals] are friends, not food!"

All of the information for this post is courtesy of National Geographic Magazine.

A Letter

2009-09-11T19:58:00.004-06:00

Dear Cute-boy-that-I-met-at-that-party-last-week,

You should call me. I know that you didn't even get my phone number, but I'm sure I must have flabbergasted you with my beauty and wit. Isn't that enough to send you searching high and low in pursuit of me? I'm sure we're soul mates and that there are many great adventures awaiting us. But you'll probably have to call me first.

Do you have a horse? Possibly a crown? Orem is just a short horse ride away. A prince on a horse in search of his soul mate might even get to bypass the red lights. And then we could ride off into the sunset together.

My window is at ground level. You could knock on it, and I would be happy to respond to your charming inquiries. And yes, I'm sure that even your knock is charming.

I know we only spent maybe ten minutes talking, but I was still hoping you might show a little more interest. Did my unmatched beauty and intelligence intimidate you? I understand. I would be intimidated too if I were you, but sometimes a little bit of courage is in order.

That was one of those times.

All I'm saying is I'm not getting any younger. But no pressure.

Until then, I'll just be here.
Waiting.

Sincerely,

Austin

What's Up?

2009-09-08T09:39:00.003-06:00

Things have been pretty average around here lately. I've been meaning to blog more, but somehow I often don't have the time, or don't think that I have anything really blogworthy.

But. I know there is plenty in my life that is blogworthy. Right?

I'm a nanny in Orem for some of the cutest little kids ever.

I live with the family for whom I nanny, which I love. It's great to be part of a family, but still close to where all my college friends and all the BYU festivities are taking place.

Soon I will get a laptop, so that I can get all my pictures and things organized and can post more consistently.

I have a list of good doctors in the area that I'm going to check out, so that I can find one that I really trust, and get to working to be all healthy and happy again.

I'm starting to feel organized and in control of my life! Yay! My bedroom is coming together nicely, and I have plans to embark on all sorts of decorating endeavors once I get the rest of my life in order. So excited.

I have lots of time to read, and am enjoying (understatement) really delving into reading non-fiction on the topics that are interesting me most at the moment.

I'm going to apply to be a blogger for About-Face, a blog about teen body image and how the media effects teenage girls' perceptions of their bodies (one of the topics I've been most interested in recently).

Finally, I'm beginning to feel happy again. It's the most amazing feeling. I'm excited for everyday... to discover new things about myself, and to spend time with my friends, and to learn about everything the world has to offer.

ps~Big news: One of my best friends, Caitlin, had her baby! Congratulations and props to her for a being brave enough to give birth completely naturally. The little guy is my god son, he is named Atticus, and he was born on September 6th, weighing in at 7 lbs. 5 oz. Both mom and baby are doing fabulously (with the exception of being tired, of course), and they are both hoping to return home today! You can go to Cait and Tim's blog to see lots of pictures.

The Mask

2009-08-19T11:27:00.010-06:00

I love it when I read or hear something that embodies exactly how I'm feeling.

It's like I bond with the thought, the quote, the song lyrics, whatever it is. This time, it went like this:

"I finally took off my mask...

and i love who I'm becoming."

found on: postsecret

When I left my mission, my goal was to heal.

Heal everything that has left me broken over the years.

I worked with a psychologist from LDS family services while I was still in Houston, to see if issues could be worked through while I was still in the mission field.

When the decision was finally made for me to come back home, there were various freak outs that occurred inside my head. On this one particular day, just a day or two before I left, I really started panicking about the implications of the whole situation and what everyone was going to think, how and if I was seriously going to go through with it, blahblahblah...

So I called my psychologist.

To help me NOT freak out. She's good at that.

I told her everything that I was worried about... I'm sure in incoherent ramblings with plenty of tangents and possibly including tears. Thankfully, once I was done, or had at least momentarily paused for a breath, her words of wisdom began to spill forth.

Among those words of wisdom, was a phrase very similar to that quote.

She said, "My understanding of why you were going home, was because you needed to take time to heal, to stop putting on the fake happy face... to take down the mask, and just be who you really are."

Those words were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

I agreed with her. Somehow she knew much better than me how to say it so that it made sense, and ever since then, I have remembered that phrase. And then I read it on postsecret, and I decided that that is going to be my motto. My theme. My anthem of healing from now until I am better. I am going to take down the mask.

So, here I am. Austin. I'm twenty-two (almost twenty-three!) years old. A BYU graduate with a degree in elementary education. A returned missionary that only served half of the eighteen months that are typically anticipated. And from here on out, I'm not going to try to be anything that I'm not.

Now. In the spirit of "taking down the mask", I'm going to share a little bit of the real me with all of you. The me that many of you probably aren't familiar with. The me that is likely to surprise anyone who's known me for most of my life. And I'm excited to do it.

1. I am, more or less, a liberal, democratic thinker. I love the group of liberal kids I hang out with. We're a bunch of yoga doing, concert-going, farmer's market shopping, gardening, recycling, vegetarians. One of my favorite things in the world is walking through Seattle and seeing all the free-thinking artists. Especially at Pike Place market. The dreadlocks, the coffee shops, the street corner music, the art and murals and public transportation everywhere... I drink every drop of it up every time I go. Cannot get enough of it.

2.I really love art. Not necessarily art museums, or formal art settings... rather the art of life, I guess. Those beautiful little moments each day that remind you to be happy. Like when you wake up and the sun is coming through the curtains just right and you know that you don't have to be out of bed any time soon. Or when you're playing with a bunch of little kids and they can't help but show you every amazing leaf and twig and piece of dirt that they find, and they look up at you with their admiring, trusting eyes, and they feel so safe because you're bigger than them and according to them, you know everything. Or when you're up late talking with a friend, and you say just the right thing at just the right moment and everything just comes together and makes sense, and you wish that it could stay like that forever. I adore the beautiful, artful, moments of life. Which is one of the reasons I love reading any post from nienie, or c jane. But particularly, this post.

3. I think pregnancy, and motherhood is beautiful. All of it! I loved reading and learning about these god-given capabilities when I was younger, but as I grew I became embarrassed to talk about it. ...I'm not going to be any longer. I can't wait to someday be pregnant and have kids of my own. I know I don't know anything about being a mother, and I know that it's going to be a zillion times harder than what I know, but it's still going to be awesome. Our bodies are SO amazing!

4. Sometimes I have bad days. I know that everyone does... but how many of us are willing to open up and talk about them? And how many of us are willing to listen when someone opens up to us? I don't know why it's difficult for me to admit that everything isn't perfect. Everytime I run into an old friend in a random place, my first instinct is to pretend that my life is going swimmingly and completely as planned, etc. etc. But it's not, and probably never has. And even if it did, that doesn't mean that I liked it. Or do like it.

5. I don't know everything. Shocker right? Seriously though, sometimes when people ask me a question, I feel like I have to come up with an answer whether I actually know the answer or not. I'm trying to break that habit. Maybe it comes from being the oldest?

I'm sure there is more of this forthcoming.

Meanwhile, I'm just going to work on implementing this in my real life.

Wish me luck! :)

By jove, I think I'm making progress...

2009-08-13T19:00:00.003-06:00

Good news friends! I got a job! I interviewed just the other weekend to be a nanny for a family in Orem. They have eight kids, but I'll only be watching the youngest three. I'll be living there with them, watching the kids from 8am to noon, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and 8am to 2pm Tuesday and Thursday.

I'm also hoping to get a job with the New Haven Treatment Center in Spanish Fork as well, because it goes right along with where I'm hopefully headed, and the hours work nicely with the nannying schedule! It will be 3 days a week from 3pm to 11pm. I'm thinking MWF would be best since I finish watching the kids earlier on those days.

Things are looking good!

Yay for moving up in life!

ps. Caitlin is going to have her baby ANY day now! AH i'm so excited.

I'm in a Pickle

2009-08-12T18:06:00.002-06:00

So my list of options just keeps growing and growing and growing. Which, I suppose isn't a horrible thing, but it's making things awfully difficult in the decision-making department. At the same time, however, my area of concentration is narrowing... so I've got the whole list of options getting smaller generally, and then specific options getting a lot bigger and replacing any options I have possibly crossed off the list for now. I suppose that means I'm not any better off as far as number of options goes, but I am doing better in at least being more specific. Anyway, I need your help. This is serious.

I've been looking at the option of possibly going back to school. I had my five top schools chosen before I left on my mission, and so I was reviewing those schools and the programs they offer to see what looks interesting. And GOOD NEWS! I think I've finally come to some kind of conclusion. Before my mission I had ideas but they were very broad and general and open. As I was looking at the programs available at Warren Wilson College, I found a minor called "Justice and Peace Studies". I read up on it a little, and it looked really interesting, so I typed it into google to see what other schools have programs like that one, and I found lots! I made a list of at least 30 schools in areas that I would like to visit.

BUT... before that, I had been looking seriously into the option of doing a Women or Gender Studies program somewhere, which I am still interested in. I'd love to focus in on teen pregnancy, body image, adoption, eating disorders... or something else along those lines.

And I also want at least a minor in Spanish. And I want to learn to speak French as well. And as you can see I have a dilemma here.

I was thinking that I could major in Social Justice and Peace Studies and then minor in Women/Gender Studies. But then what happens with my Spanish minor? Let alone my desire to take some French classes.

I wonder if I could just do the major in Justice and Peace Studies, and then concentrate my studies on the areas that interest me having to do with teens/women/gender, etc.? And then I could minor in romance languages... which would not only offer me French and Spanish, but Italian as well. Or maybe I could do the major in Women and Gender Studies hoping that that would give me all the focus on social justice and peace that I wanted, and then I could do the minor in romance languages. Or just Spanish if I have to choose. And then take extra french classes on the side... because I like to overload myself like that. OR... I could go to a school where they have a program where you can build your own major. That could be a little more difficult though, considering I would have to find a school that has the integrative studies program (build your own), and then has the offerings for the women's studies, justice and peace studies, and french and spanish.

My other dilemma, then, is deciding what I'm going to do in the mean time. To get there. I think I've decided that I want to stay here in Utah, because I like being close to my friends. I love being with my family, but there's nothing like having people your age all around you that understand you and where you are in your life. So the next order of business then, is getting a job. And finding somewhere to live. I'll make sure to keep all of you updated. And if you know of any good jobs or places to live, let me know!

The Story of Stuff

2009-08-11T00:06:00.007-06:00

This short 20 minute film should be required viewing for all US citizens. It's so sad how many people don't realize what we're doing.

Be smart. Watch this video.

You've got 20 minutes, right?

Then, visit the Story of Stuff website, so that you can find out how you can make a difference.

Louder Than Words

2009-08-10T23:24:00.004-06:00

I do believe, that I'm finally putting together what I think I might possibly want to do with my life.

It hasn't completely formed yet, but so far as I mentioned in a previous post, I know that it will have something to do with girls, adolescence, body image, peer pressure, feminism, etc. etc.

I've had some other awesome ideas which I won't go into quite yet. However, I've been doing some web research, and I came across this cute website called Smart Girls Know. This week they're releasing a series of books about and written by teenage girls struggling with difficult situations, disorders, etc. The series is called Louder than Words. Every night this week (8pm EST) they will be having a live show about the different books, and talking with the girls, etc.

I've embedded the video, so that you can watch it from my blog, or you can just click on the link and check out the cool stuff they've got going on over there.

Not all those who wander are lost.

2009-08-05T16:02:00.003-06:00

Everything in my neck of the woods has been rather uneventful lately. I am in Provo, without a car, job, or school, and so I've just been lounging and living off the little bit of money I put away before my mission. However, I DO have goals. As much as I love having absolutely no schedule, and being able to read and nap and eat and watch movies and blog to my heart's content, my overactive conscience just keeps whispering to me... to figure out what the plan is.

I have about a gazillion ideas. Let me share a few.

Go to Ecuador and work in an orphanage there
Find mr. right and marry him
Work at one of several treatment centers for adolescents in the area
Work at the Center for Women and Children in Crisis (I volunteered there before my mission)
Move up to downtown Seattle(ish) and find a job
Someday open up my own bookstore
Be a substitute teacher wherever I end up moving to (so that I don't have to take on a huge responsibility, but still get paid a reasonable amount
Find a family to nanny for
Eventually go back to school and study one of my recent interests (environmentalism, feminism, photojournalism, teenage pregnancy/body image/women's studies, cultures and peoples, spanish, french, etc. etc. etc.)
Work at a daycare or other childcare facility (which doesn't actually sound very appealling, but hey, I like kids)

Some of these options could be combined with others, others depend on whether or not I do other things, or how much money I have. And I have tons more ideas. And ideas that branch off of these ideas... like if I did one thing and it was successful, I could then go on and do this other idea I have.

It is a little overwhelming. The sheer breadth of opportunities is a little frightening.

BUT, it has been fabulous for me to have some time to regroup, catch up with friends, have my own space and time, and just kind of... explore. Sometimes it's a little scary, because I've never let myself be without direction before, but it's so magnificent to see the world completely open up before my eyes. I can go or do or be whatever the heck I want. I can seek that true happiness in my job and family and self that is always talked about but rarely seems to be found. That is my main goal for this period of my life I suppose. Not to get so caught up in DOING, that I forget to think about what it is that I'm doing. To remember why I'm here, what makes me happy, and what a huge difference I can actually make in this world once I set my mind to it.

Now, the task at hand.

I think I need some advice. Or at least a little help. I'm trying to figure out where to go and what to do and where to work, etc. A week ago, had you asked me, I would've said that I was staying here until the end of August and then moving to Seattle to find a job and settle down a little. Now, I'm beginning to lean a little more towards staying here to settle down a little. For multiple reasons. Job connections, friends, cheaper housing, etc. However, I haven't really delved into my resources and connections back in Washington either. Soooo... what I need to know is, do YOU know of any job openings? Or maybe an opening in a house in Seattle or Provo? If you do, I would love to know about it! Post a comment, send me an email.

Until then, I will remain, the quintessential wanderer.

oh, emily

2009-07-30T18:18:00.000-06:00

The other day, I was playing with Emily. She grabbed me to give me a hug. And didn't let go. she jumped up and wrapped her legs around me. Then suddenly she realized that her pants might possibly have slid down a little too far. Worried, she yelled to Katie who was behind her.

"Katie! Is my butt cracking???"

I also just recently learned that she has been known to call her butt her "split end".

I don't think that it could get more original than that.

i can babysit

2009-07-27T15:10:00.003-06:00

If anyone in the Provo area needs a babysitter, I'm free and willing. I'll only be here until the end of August/beginning of September, but I'm willing to take on random jobs until then. Comment if you think I might be able to help you out and I'll send you my phone number :).