Vegetarianism and other such stories

This post is a series of "vignettes" outlining some of the hilarious happenings that have occured recently in the Hollenbaugh household.

*note: each story is in a different font to keep the stories from running together.

In my family, it's common for the younger siblings to go through this "i'm going to be a vegetarian" phase, at some point in their childhood. While none has succeeded, it continues to be a point of interest and among our young. Lately it's been my sister Mckenzie, who happens to be the most carnivorous of all of us (except for maybe my one and only brother). She's 10, so it's about time she realized what a vegetarian was and decided to try it out. My sister Katie (who also went through this phase) bet her she wouldn't survive for more than two days (funny... that's what we said to her when she tried it). In the midst of Kenzie's attempt at vegetarianism, she was with my grandma who happened to be having chicken strips for lunch. While she was eating, she noticed that Kenz was eyeing her meat, and was about as close to drooling as she could possibly be, without actually doing so (ever seen Madagascar? remember when the lion starts picturing his zebra friend as a t-bone steak?). I think she was trying to be subtle, but she was definitely eyeing that chicken. My grandmother, being the kind, thoughtful person that she is, suggested she go in a different room so Kenz wouldn't be so tempted by what she couldn't (or supposedly didn't want to) have. Kenzie refused, said she was fine, and they continued watching their television show. A few more minutes passed, and Kenzie asked if maybe she could just... hold it. Maybe she thought that the scent of the chicken would satisfy her desire for this forbidden goodness? My grandma warned her that she'd most likely eat it if she held it, but Kenz disagreed. So grandma handed over the chicken, and proceeded to the kitchen to tell Kenz what else she could have (assuming she was craving protein) without actually breaking her vegetarian streak. "We have eggs, and cheese, and..." Before she could finish, Kenzie's voice came back, "Too late. It's all over now!" Grandma looked over and saw Kenzie with only half a piece of chicken left in her hand and her mouth full. Grandma smiled, and with nothing left to lose, Kenz immediately went to the kitchen and sliced herself a big handful of ham.

The other day I was on the telephone with my sister Emily, who has Down Syndrome. She is now 17, and so we love to tease her about who she's going to date, and who she likes, etc. This particular time I had asked her if she liked anyone, just to see if things had changed since the last time I had heard anything. "Well..., um..., I..." she said. It was almost as if I could hear the shifty-ness of her eyes in her voice. She seemed to be stalling. Finally, she said in a very relieved tone, "Okay... I'm in the pantry."

Apparently she didn't want to divulge any information about her love life in a place where anyone could hear her, and the kitchen (being one of the most frequented places in the house) isn't exactly secret friendly. So she shuffled over into the pantry to tell me about this boy that she met on her bus, and who goes to her school, and who she apparently has a secret crush on.

Emily tends to be more easily prone towards illness. Her immune system isn't generally as strong as the average person's immune system, so she usually gets sick more often. At this particular time, she was suffering from some sort of respiratory bug which happened to be causing a stuffy nose, achy sinuses, and a bad mood. Kenzie is your typical ADHD child. Hopefully your getting a picture of what the two of them in the backseat together would look like in this particular situation (think cartoons... the big dog who doesn't talk much and the little dog who just won't shut up or get out of the big dog's face). Mckenzie's going on, and on, and on with all kinds of jokes and stories, etc. etc. etc. Then she decides to include Em. "Ok Emily, I have a joke. Are you ready? Knock knock!"

Emily is of course, not in a super mood, and isn't really feeling like knock-knock jokes at this particular moment, even though she normally loves them. So she takes it literally and says in the grumpiest voice she can muster, "Nobody's home."

This isn't enough to get Kenzie to back down, and she tries again, "No no Emily, you really have to do this one. Knock knock!"

Em must have felt bad, because this time she answered with an annoyed but willing, "come in". I don't remember the rest of the story, but I assume she finally complied and answered with the appropriate answer, but how much funnier are knock-knock jokes when you take them literally!