Blogger's Block

I have the most horrible news.  I think I may have blogger's block. 

This is a serious problem. 

I have about 5 half composed posts in my files waiting to be finished, and it just keeps not happening.

I really really want to finish them so that you can read the delectable goodness before it's completely outdated, but it could be done so very descriptively and beautifully and I think (hope) I'm capable of producing that kind of writing.

I need to be inspired!

Or maybe I just don't have the patience to sit and write them the way I feel they deserve to be written.


Either way... what i really need to know is if anyone knows of a cure?

Pretty please?

:(

Fixed!

Alright folks, we're fixed (the blog, I mean)!  Feel free to leave as many comments as your little heart desires.

ps. y'all are great.  seriously, i have the best friends ever.

Problems?

Is anyone else having trouble getting to/commenting on here? I've officially heard from about 3 people now that they've had issues, but no specifics as to what the problem is (?).

I thought it was a little weird when no one commented on my letter post (i thought it was pretty funny... if i do say so myself).

Someone email or facebook or something and tell me what's going on! Is there an error message? Does the link not work?

I will fix this. Do not fear.

Little Girls

I found these fabulous ads on the Dove website. They do an excellent job of showing what the media does to the population, even little girls, without us even catching on.

Watch them! Show them to your little girls or teenage daughters or grown friends! They're great!

(Go to the actual Dove website to see versions that are a little clearer.)




I think my favorite is the one below (called Onslaught).  The music is fabulous (just the right mix of creepy and urgent) and the effect of all the images flying towards the screen really helps get the point across (in my little opinion).



And I just thought the one below was cute.

SO dumb. Rar.

I am so annoyed.

A few days ago I was downstairs with the kids I nanny, and an episode of My Wife and Kids came on. I wasn't really watching, but then one of the characters (who was pregnant) announced that she wanted to have her baby at home.

And then the parents freaked out.

And then it just went downhill from there.

Just wait until the midwife comes onto the scene.

No wonder kids and parents and everyone nowadays have such a negative attitude towards homebirth and midwives.

I won't even get started. I am completely appalled.

But I will say this:

It is completely unfair to be teaching teens and tweens and adults or anyone else who might watch this show, that midwives are nothing but uneducated, ridiculous hippies. Even in the name of entertainment. There are huge numbers of activities that would be so much healthier as forms of entertainment (don't get me started on that either). Why do we continue to perpetuate all of those ridiculous wives tales that keep rolling around? What does that say about our society?

This is not the stone age anymore folks. It's time we got past our prejudices and misconceptions and really learned the truth. Not just about natural birth, but about everything.

And yes, I have watched the rest of the episode, and no, it definitely does NOT get any better. In fact it gets more stupid and more unrealistic.

Vintage Beauty

I'm dying for one of these (from Byrd & Belle):

Isn't it beautiful?

I just recently ordered a laptop for myself (from SONY), and it will need a cover when it comes.

And the laptop I ordered has a 13.3 in. display. Just the right size for aforementioned cover.

Toying with the idea of buying it for myself, but my birthday IS next week...

Friends, Not Food.

I found these cute descriptions in National Geographic and I can't help but share them. It explains the different intelligence levels of several different types of animals. I thought it was adorable and hopefully you will too!

Each description was determined through studies done at various aquariums, zoos, or universities, etc.
(which has been listed below each description).

Giant Pacific Octopus

Has distinct personality, uses tools, recognizes individuals
National Aquarium in Baltimore, MD

"With sizable brains and dexterous arms, octopuses are known to block their dens with rocks and amuse themsevles shooting water at plastic-bottle targets (the first reported invertebrate play behavior) and at lab staff. They may even express basic emotions by changing color, says Seattle Aquarium's Roland Anderson."

African Cichlid

Determines social rank through observation, a step on the way to logical reasoning.
Stanford University, Stanford, CA

African Grey Parrot

Counted; knew colors, shapes, and sizes; had basic grasp of the abstract concept of zero.
Brandeis University, Waltham, MA

Asian Elephant

Retains long memories and social ties; possesses a sense of self.
National Zoo, Washington, DC

Black Leicester Longwool

Sheep recognize individual faces and remember them long term.
Hopping Acres Farm, Bruceton Mills, WV

New Caledonian Crow

Solves problems and creates and uses tools--once thought the domain solely of primates.
Oxford University, Oxford, United Kingdom

Border Collie

Retains an ever growing vocabulary that rivals that of a toddler's.
Vienna, Austria

So fun to see that animals have people like qualities too! I love that the elephant has a sense of self, and that the octopus can show emotion by changing colors.

Just more proof that "[Animals] are friends, not food!"

All of the information for this post is courtesy of National Geographic Magazine.

A Letter

Dear Cute-boy-that-I-met-at-that-party-last-week,

You should call me. I know that you didn't even get my phone number, but I'm sure I must have flabbergasted you with my beauty and wit. Isn't that enough to send you searching high and low in pursuit of me? I'm sure we're soul mates and that there are many great adventures awaiting us. But you'll probably have to call me first.

Do you have a horse? Possibly a crown? Orem is just a short horse ride away. A prince on a horse in search of his soul mate might even get to bypass the red lights. And then we could ride off into the sunset together.

My window is at ground level. You could knock on it, and I would be happy to respond to your charming inquiries. And yes, I'm sure that even your knock is charming.

I know we only spent maybe ten minutes talking, but I was still hoping you might show a little more interest. Did my unmatched beauty and intelligence intimidate you? I understand. I would be intimidated too if I were you, but sometimes a little bit of courage is in order.

That was one of those times.

All I'm saying is I'm not getting any younger. But no pressure.

Until then, I'll just be here.
Waiting.

Sincerely,

Austin

What's Up?

Things have been pretty average around here lately. I've been meaning to blog more, but somehow I often don't have the time, or don't think that I have anything really blogworthy.

But. I know there is plenty in my life that is blogworthy. Right?

I'm a nanny in Orem for some of the cutest little kids ever.

I live with the family for whom I nanny, which I love. It's great to be part of a family, but still close to where all my college friends and all the BYU festivities are taking place.

Soon I will get a laptop, so that I can get all my pictures and things organized and can post more consistently.

I have a list of good doctors in the area that I'm going to check out, so that I can find one that I really trust, and get to working to be all healthy and happy again.

I'm starting to feel organized and in control of my life! Yay! My bedroom is coming together nicely, and I have plans to embark on all sorts of decorating endeavors once I get the rest of my life in order. So excited.

I have lots of time to read, and am enjoying (understatement) really delving into reading non-fiction on the topics that are interesting me most at the moment.

I'm going to apply to be a blogger for About-Face, a blog about teen body image and how the media effects teenage girls' perceptions of their bodies (one of the topics I've been most interested in recently).

Finally, I'm beginning to feel happy again. It's the most amazing feeling. I'm excited for everyday... to discover new things about myself, and to spend time with my friends, and to learn about everything the world has to offer.


ps~Big news: One of my best friends, Caitlin, had her baby! Congratulations and props to her for a being brave enough to give birth completely naturally. The little guy is my god son, he is named Atticus, and he was born on September 6th, weighing in at 7 lbs. 5 oz. Both mom and baby are doing fabulously (with the exception of being tired, of course), and they are both hoping to return home today! You can go to Cait and Tim's blog to see lots of pictures.

The Mask

I love it when I read or hear something that embodies exactly how I'm feeling.

It's like I bond with the thought, the quote, the song lyrics, whatever it is. This time, it went like this:

"I finally took off my mask...

and i love who I'm becoming."

found on: postsecret

When I left my mission, my goal was to heal.

Heal everything that has left me broken over the years.

I worked with a psychologist from LDS family services while I was still in Houston, to see if issues could be worked through while I was still in the mission field.

When the decision was finally made for me to come back home, there were various freak outs that occurred inside my head. On this one particular day, just a day or two before I left, I really started panicking about the implications of the whole situation and what everyone was going to think, how and if I was seriously going to go through with it, blahblahblah...

So I called my psychologist.

To help me NOT freak out. She's good at that.

I told her everything that I was worried about... I'm sure in incoherent ramblings with plenty of tangents and possibly including tears. Thankfully, once I was done, or had at least momentarily paused for a breath, her words of wisdom began to spill forth.

Among those words of wisdom, was a phrase very similar to that quote.

She said, "My understanding of why you were going home, was because you needed to take time to heal, to stop putting on the fake happy face... to take down the mask, and just be who you really are."

Those words were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

I agreed with her. Somehow she knew much better than me how to say it so that it made sense, and ever since then, I have remembered that phrase. And then I read it on postsecret, and I decided that that is going to be my motto. My theme. My anthem of healing from now until I am better. I am going to take down the mask.

So, here I am. Austin. I'm twenty-two (almost twenty-three!) years old. A BYU graduate with a degree in elementary education. A returned missionary that only served half of the eighteen months that are typically anticipated. And from here on out, I'm not going to try to be anything that I'm not.

Now. In the spirit of "taking down the mask", I'm going to share a little bit of the real me with all of you. The me that many of you probably aren't familiar with. The me that is likely to surprise anyone who's known me for most of my life. And I'm excited to do it.

1. I am, more or less, a liberal, democratic thinker. I love the group of liberal kids I hang out with. We're a bunch of yoga doing, concert-going, farmer's market shopping, gardening, recycling, vegetarians. One of my favorite things in the world is walking through Seattle and seeing all the free-thinking artists. Especially at Pike Place market. The dreadlocks, the coffee shops, the street corner music, the art and murals and public transportation everywhere... I drink every drop of it up every time I go. Cannot get enough of it.

2.I really love art. Not necessarily art museums, or formal art settings... rather the art of life, I guess. Those beautiful little moments each day that remind you to be happy. Like when you wake up and the sun is coming through the curtains just right and you know that you don't have to be out of bed any time soon. Or when you're playing with a bunch of little kids and they can't help but show you every amazing leaf and twig and piece of dirt that they find, and they look up at you with their admiring, trusting eyes, and they feel so safe because you're bigger than them and according to them, you know everything. Or when you're up late talking with a friend, and you say just the right thing at just the right moment and everything just comes together and makes sense, and you wish that it could stay like that forever. I adore the beautiful, artful, moments of life. Which is one of the reasons I love reading any post from nienie, or c jane. But particularly, this post.

3. I think pregnancy, and motherhood is beautiful. All of it! I loved reading and learning about these god-given capabilities when I was younger, but as I grew I became embarrassed to talk about it. ...I'm not going to be any longer. I can't wait to someday be pregnant and have kids of my own. I know I don't know anything about being a mother, and I know that it's going to be a zillion times harder than what I know, but it's still going to be awesome. Our bodies are SO amazing!

4. Sometimes I have bad days. I know that everyone does... but how many of us are willing to open up and talk about them? And how many of us are willing to listen when someone opens up to us? I don't know why it's difficult for me to admit that everything isn't perfect. Everytime I run into an old friend in a random place, my first instinct is to pretend that my life is going swimmingly and completely as planned, etc. etc. But it's not, and probably never has. And even if it did, that doesn't mean that I liked it. Or do like it.

5. I don't know everything. Shocker right? Seriously though, sometimes when people ask me a question, I feel like I have to come up with an answer whether I actually know the answer or not. I'm trying to break that habit. Maybe it comes from being the oldest?

I'm sure there is more of this forthcoming.

Meanwhile, I'm just going to work on implementing this in my real life.

Wish me luck! :)

By jove, I think I'm making progress...

Good news friends! I got a job! I interviewed just the other weekend to be a nanny for a family in Orem. They have eight kids, but I'll only be watching the youngest three. I'll be living there with them, watching the kids from 8am to noon, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and 8am to 2pm Tuesday and Thursday.


I'm also hoping to get a job with the New Haven Treatment Center in Spanish Fork as well, because it goes right along with where I'm hopefully headed, and the hours work nicely with the nannying schedule! It will be 3 days a week from 3pm to 11pm. I'm thinking MWF would be best since I finish watching the kids earlier on those days.

Things are looking good!

Yay for moving up in life!

ps. Caitlin is going to have her baby ANY day now! AH i'm so excited.

I'm in a Pickle

So my list of options just keeps growing and growing and growing. Which, I suppose isn't a horrible thing, but it's making things awfully difficult in the decision-making department. At the same time, however, my area of concentration is narrowing... so I've got the whole list of options getting smaller generally, and then specific options getting a lot bigger and replacing any options I have possibly crossed off the list for now. I suppose that means I'm not any better off as far as number of options goes, but I am doing better in at least being more specific. Anyway, I need your help. This is serious.

I've been looking at the option of possibly going back to school. I had my five top schools chosen before I left on my mission, and so I was reviewing those schools and the programs they offer to see what looks interesting. And GOOD NEWS! I think I've finally come to some kind of conclusion. Before my mission I had ideas but they were very broad and general and open. As I was looking at the programs available at Warren Wilson College, I found a minor called "Justice and Peace Studies". I read up on it a little, and it looked really interesting, so I typed it into google to see what other schools have programs like that one, and I found lots! I made a list of at least 30 schools in areas that I would like to visit.

BUT... before that, I had been looking seriously into the option of doing a Women or Gender Studies program somewhere, which I am still interested in. I'd love to focus in on teen pregnancy, body image, adoption, eating disorders... or something else along those lines.

And I also want at least a minor in Spanish. And I want to learn to speak French as well. And as you can see I have a dilemma here.

I was thinking that I could major in Social Justice and Peace Studies and then minor in Women/Gender Studies. But then what happens with my Spanish minor? Let alone my desire to take some French classes.

I wonder if I could just do the major in Justice and Peace Studies, and then concentrate my studies on the areas that interest me having to do with teens/women/gender, etc.? And then I could minor in romance languages... which would not only offer me French and Spanish, but Italian as well. Or maybe I could do the major in Women and Gender Studies hoping that that would give me all the focus on social justice and peace that I wanted, and then I could do the minor in romance languages. Or just Spanish if I have to choose. And then take extra french classes on the side... because I like to overload myself like that. OR... I could go to a school where they have a program where you can build your own major. That could be a little more difficult though, considering I would have to find a school that has the integrative studies program (build your own), and then has the offerings for the women's studies, justice and peace studies, and french and spanish.

My other dilemma, then, is deciding what I'm going to do in the mean time. To get there. I think I've decided that I want to stay here in Utah, because I like being close to my friends. I love being with my family, but there's nothing like having people your age all around you that understand you and where you are in your life. So the next order of business then, is getting a job. And finding somewhere to live. I'll make sure to keep all of you updated. And if you know of any good jobs or places to live, let me know!

The Story of Stuff

This short 20 minute film should be required viewing for all US citizens. It's so sad how many people don't realize what we're doing.

Be smart. Watch this video.

You've got 20 minutes, right?



Then, visit the Story of Stuff website, so that you can find out how you can make a difference.

Louder Than Words

I do believe, that I'm finally putting together what I think I might possibly want to do with my life.

It hasn't completely formed yet, but so far as I mentioned in a previous post, I know that it will have something to do with girls, adolescence, body image, peer pressure, feminism, etc. etc.

I've had some other awesome ideas which I won't go into quite yet. However, I've been doing some web research, and I came across this cute website called Smart Girls Know. This week they're releasing a series of books about and written by teenage girls struggling with difficult situations, disorders, etc. The series is called Louder than Words. Every night this week (8pm EST) they will be having a live show about the different books, and talking with the girls, etc.


I've embedded the video, so that you can watch it from my blog, or you can just click on the link and check out the cool stuff they've got going on over there.

Not all those who wander are lost.

Everything in my neck of the woods has been rather uneventful lately. I am in Provo, without a car, job, or school, and so I've just been lounging and living off the little bit of money I put away before my mission. However, I DO have goals. As much as I love having absolutely no schedule, and being able to read and nap and eat and watch movies and blog to my heart's content, my overactive conscience just keeps whispering to me... to figure out what the plan is.

I have about a gazillion ideas. Let me share a few.

• Go to Ecuador and work in an orphanage there
• Find mr. right and marry him
• Work at one of several treatment centers for adolescents in the area
• Work at the Center for Women and Children in Crisis (I volunteered there before my mission)
• Move up to downtown Seattle(ish) and find a job
• Someday open up my own bookstore
• Be a substitute teacher wherever I end up moving to (so that I don't have to take on a huge responsibility, but still get paid a reasonable amount
• Find a family to nanny for
• Eventually go back to school and study one of my recent interests (environmentalism, feminism, photojournalism, teenage pregnancy/body image/women's studies, cultures and peoples, spanish, french, etc. etc. etc.)
• Work at a daycare or other childcare facility (which doesn't actually sound very appealling, but hey, I like kids)

Some of these options could be combined with others, others depend on whether or not I do other things, or how much money I have. And I have tons more ideas. And ideas that branch off of these ideas... like if I did one thing and it was successful, I could then go on and do this other idea I have.

It is a little overwhelming. The sheer breadth of opportunities is a little frightening.

BUT, it has been fabulous for me to have some time to regroup, catch up with friends, have my own space and time, and just kind of... explore. Sometimes it's a little scary, because I've never let myself be without direction before, but it's so magnificent to see the world completely open up before my eyes. I can go or do or be whatever the heck I want. I can seek that true happiness in my job and family and self that is always talked about but rarely seems to be found. That is my main goal for this period of my life I suppose. Not to get so caught up in DOING, that I forget to think about what it is that I'm doing. To remember why I'm here, what makes me happy, and what a huge difference I can actually make in this world once I set my mind to it.

Now, the task at hand.

I think I need some advice. Or at least a little help. I'm trying to figure out where to go and what to do and where to work, etc. A week ago, had you asked me, I would've said that I was staying here until the end of August and then moving to Seattle to find a job and settle down a little. Now, I'm beginning to lean a little more towards staying here to settle down a little. For multiple reasons. Job connections, friends, cheaper housing, etc. However, I haven't really delved into my resources and connections back in Washington either. Soooo... what I need to know is, do YOU know of any job openings? Or maybe an opening in a house in Seattle or Provo? If you do, I would love to know about it! Post a comment, send me an email.

Until then, I will remain, the quintessential wanderer.